


Hearth and Bone

by perniciousLizard



Series: Fired Up and Bone Weary [17]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Moving In Together, Post-Pacifist Route, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-07-24 02:03:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7489059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perniciousLizard/pseuds/perniciousLizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's always an adjustment period.  This is a series of vignettes about settling in and living together, and life in general after the big move.  Also, Papyrus is there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Adjustment Period

Sans had spent enough time at Grillby’s new place that his adjustment period took next to no time.  Now he just woke up in bed with his hot boyfriend _every_ morning.  Nice.  

He couldn’t think of a downside.  He didn’t have to loiter around Grillby’s until closing when he was lonely.   Unless he was just in the mood to loiter.  

Sans guessed that he did get lazy about dates since he didn’t have to go out of his way for one-on-one time anymore.  And even though they saw each other every day their schedules didn’t always match, so the time they spent together wasn’t the highest quality.  But that didn’t count as a downside because Grillby always let him know when he’d let things slip.  

Sans was sitting on the couch laughing at a bad movie.  Every character that got introduced had a pun in their name, so it was actually really really great.  

He heard Grillby come in.  

“hey.”  Sans stayed planted where he was.  

Grillby walked over and stood behind the couch, staring down at him.  

“what’s up?”  

“…that movie was given… _half_ a star.”  

“earned it,” Sans said.  

“This can’t be worth your time.”

“sure it is,” Sans said.  Time was worthless to start with.  Heh.

Grillby walked around the couch.  "Sans.“  

"yeah?”  If Grillby was planning on standing in front of the screen to save him from a bad movie, Sans was throwing popcorn at him.  

Without a word, Grillby sat down in his lap.    

“uh. hey, pal.  i like you, and all, but i’m about half your size and i’d probably just laugh if you fell off, so.  maybe not the best plan.”  It was sort of nice, though, when Grillbz got a little pushy about wanting attention.  Like he missed spending time with Sans, or something.  A guy could get a big skull over that.  

Grillby shook his head.  He had no plans to fall off.  He looked deeply serious about whatever he thought he was doing.  

“ok, fine,” Sans said.  "you win.  you’re trying to be cute here and it’s a _blinding_ success.“  He grabbed the remote and turned off the movie voted almost unanimously worst of the previous year.  "quit looking so pleased with yourself.”  

Smug, Grillby kissed the top of his skull.  

“guess i can–”

He cut himself off when he heard the doorknob on the outside door start to rattle.  It sounded like someone had a key in the lock.  

“…he’s late to–”

Papyrus swung the door open and marched in.  "SANS!  AND – GRILLBY ARE YOU ALL RIGHT??“

”…ow.“ Grillby was on the floor.  Most of his pain came from embarrassment.

"DID YOU INJURE YOURSELF?”

“sorry,” Sans said.  "uh.“  He was sitting on the other end of the couch.  He didn’t even remember making an active decision to move. He reached down and held out his hand for Grillby to take.  

Grillby didn’t exactly have eyes, and he didn’t have a mouth when he didn’t need one, but the look he was giving Sans was _withering._

"must’ve panicked for a sec,” Sans admitted.  There were some things he never wanted his brother to have to see.  

“YOU?” Papyrus asked, still confused.  

Grillby stood up under his own power and brushed off his clothes.  

“NO ONE IS EXPLAINING ANYTHING?  DO YOU NEED A HEALER?”  

Grillby shook his head.  "…i am going to bed."

"GOOD NIGHT??”  

“i’m pretty tired all a sudden, too,” Sans said.  He stood up and grabbed the popcorn bowl.  

“…maybe I will stay up,” Grillby said.  "…clean the kitchen."

"grillbz, c'mon.”

He didn’t always get to go to bed with his hot boyfriend, but Grillby was there in the morning, like usual.  Sans had to apologize again, but this one stuck.  

–

Before the big move day, Grillby cleared out space in his kitchen for Papyrus’ things.  He would want space for his own food.  Once he was done, Grillby stood in the center of the most important room in the house and vowed to himself that he would let Papyrus use the kitchen. He would let him cook whatever he wanted, good or terrible, without commenting.  

Papyrus brought along a full set of dishes and his own pots and pans, and Grillby cleared out a little more space for those things without being asked.  He said, “…you can use my set, if you’re missing something.”  

“WOWIE!  YOU’VE DONE A LOT SINCE GYFTMAS!  THIS ROOM LOOKS LIKE IT COULD BE IN A MAGAZINE!”

Grillby was not going to turn the kitchen into a war zone.  "…thank you.  I keep the human food separate, on the left of the fridge, so I remember to use it before it goes bad."  

"THANKS FOR THE WARNING!  HUMAN FOOD IS DISGUSTING AND I HATE IT AND DO NOT WANT TO EAT IT BY ACCIDENT.  MAYBE WE SHOULD SEPARATE THAT SECTION EVEN FURTHER.  OH!  I HAVE SOME CAUTION TAPE LEFT FROM MY BEDROOM!”

“c'mon.”  Sans was sitting at the kitchen table, watching Papyrus unpack. “there’s some stuff you’ve liked.”  

“I WAS TRICKED INTO THINKING IT WAS DELICIOUS!  IT WAS A HORRIBLE MISTAKE THAT I REGRET TO THIS DAY.”  

“can get kind of messy when you don’t have a stomach,” Sans explained, shrugging.  

Grillby didn’t have a stomach, either, but he knew what Sans meant.  He had watched Sans reach under his shirt, remove a mozzarella stick from inside his rib cage, and eat it a second time.  Grillby had not been able to make himself look away, no matter how hard he tried.  

He felt something like that same sensation, again, of not being able to look away, as Papyrus started unpacking his pots and pans.  Were those…plastic handles?  He could tell from across the room that food would heat unevenly in them.  They looked light enough for an infant to carry around.  

Grillby made himself turn away.  He looked at Sans, and reminded himself that he loved him, deeply, and wanted him to be happy when they lived together.  He was not going to fight with Papyrus over the kitchen.  

“hey, check this out,” Sans said.  He took a pair of glasses out of his pocket, and put them on.  They had an image of human eyes instead of lenses.  

“…you look…terrifying.”  At least it was a distraction.  

“here, you give ‘em a shot.”  

Grillby put them on over his regular glasses.  

“that’s a good look for you.”  

He heard Papyrus accidentally bang two of his pots together.  They sounded flimsy.  

–

Days later, he was alone in the kitchen, and the house.  Sans was still out on his morning errands, and Papyrus was at work.  Grillby accidentally caught a glimpse of Papyrus’ pot and pan set as he was making his breakfast.  

Something came over him.  He avoided thinking about it later, too ashamed and embarrassed by his behavior to try and make sense of it.  

Two weeks later, it happened again.  

A week after that, he was caught.  

“GRILLBY!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING??  FRYING PANS DO NOT GO IN THE - GASP!!!!!!!!” After he said “gasp” out loud, Papyrus clutched a dish towel to his face.  "THAT IS MINE!"  

For a second, Grillby was tempted to just go for broke and finish dropping the frying pan into the garbage.  Instead, he slowly pulled it out and set it in the sink.  

”…I’m sorry," Grillby said.  He had no idea how to explain himself. ”…my mistake.“  

"WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO THROW AWAY ONE OF YOUR OWN PERFECTLY GOOD FRYING PANS?”  Papyrus asked.  He went over to the sink and immediately started washing garbage germs off his pan.  "AND HOW COULD YOU MISTAKE IT FOR MINE?"  He had, after all, carefully labeled each and every one of them.  Grillby had been very insulted to discover that.  Like he would ever accidentally use one of Papyrus’ cheap garbage pans.  

"I _wouldn’t,_ ” Grillby said, a second before he could stop himself.

“BUT…IF THAT IS TRUE…THEN YOU WERE THROWING AWAY ONE OF MINE ON PURPOSE.”

“…”

“WHY?”   He was genuinely confused.  

Grillby needed to make him understand.  He started to explain what traits to look for in a good pan.  

After a minute, Papyrus interrupted him.  "IS THIS WHY TWO OF THEM ARE MISSING?"  He sounded hurt.

Grillby felt like dirt.  Worse than dirt.  He felt like wet dirt.  Mud. That’s what Grillby was.  He offered to pay to replace them.  

"…THIS SET WAS A GIFT FROM UNDYNE," Papyrus explained.

Grillby replaced the ones he had discarded.  He got the same brand, and even asked Undyne what store she had purchased them at.  He felt like his HP was dropping every second it took him to carry his items to the register.  

–

Papyrus did not miss his old house, on most days.  Grillby had the best kitchen Papyrus had ever set his eye sockets on, which was exactly the sort of kitchen that suited a cook of Papyrus’ level.  

Of course, Grillby could get weird about the kitchen.  Papyrus was…not going to think about how weird Grillby could get about the kitchen.  

Papyrus had his own bedroom, an office, and was basically the only one who used either bathroom.  He noticed that in the new place Grillby had not completely destroyed the shower’s ability to produce water, which made it sink in that Grillby had been planning on inviting them to live with him for quite some time.  How considerate!  

The only place he stayed away from was Sans and Grillby’s bedroom.  He had expected better of Grillby, he really did, but the room was an unholy mess and Papyrus could not stand to look at it.  It was not quite as bad as Sans’ rooms, but that said very little.  There was a path kept neat on the floor, so Grillby would not trip when he wasn’t wearing his glasses, and there was no tornado of trash.  

Papyrus tried asking Grillby about the dishes that were stacked up on the nightstand.  Sans had once attracted an entire family of mice into their house in Snowdin!  Those mice did not pay rent!  It had been incredibly uncomfortable asking them to leave!  Grillby told him that he used fire magic to burn off any food, so Papyrus didn’t have to worry.  Every two weeks someone would haul the entire bulk of them back into the kitchen.  

So Papyrus only approached that room if it was necessary.  He reminded himself to knock every time, to be polite.  

One time, he had forgotten to knock.  

It had seemed important, at the time, that he tell Sans about something immediately.  Papyrus burst into the bedroom without a second thought, and his mind went blank of whatever it was he was going to tell him.  

"GRILLBY!  SANS!  HOW COULD YOU?”  

Sans and Grillby sat on opposite sides of the bed, separated by an enormous nacho platter.  There was a bowl of salsa propped in between their pillows.  Papyrus could already see something red staining Sans’ pillowcase.  

Grillby tipped his head, confused.  

“SANS, I WOULD EXPECT THIS FROM, BUT YOU, GRILLBY!  YOU!”  Papyrus ran away, slamming the door behind him.  

Grillby looked at Sans.  

“uh.”  He shrugged.  "that’s my bro."

"…you should…talk to him?  He seemed upset?" 

Sans narrowed his eyes.  "you just want me out of the way so you get all of them.”

“He’s your beloved brother.  I can’t stand to see Papyrus like this, but he was more upset with me.  You should go to him.”  

“it’d be pretty crumby of you if i get back here and crumbs are all that’s left on this plate.”  

“He might be crying.”  

Sans swore.  He got up off the bed.  

“You’re such a good brother.”  

Sans left after Papyrus, walking backwards to keep his eyes on Grillby and the plate for as long as he could.  Grillby had his hands folded in his lap, serene.  

Papyrus was very careful about knocking.  Sometimes he would knock and Sans would tell him to come in, but the door would be locked.

“oh, whoops, forgot about that.  just a sec, bro.”  

A second passed.  

“grillbz you get it.”  

Papyrus tapped his foot, impatient.  But he was grateful that they locked it, sometimes.  It was a relief to know they were were, at least, trying to protect him from seeing anything unsavory.  

That memory haunted him.  He really had expected better of Grillby.  What if they got crumbs in the sheets?


	2. Up Your Alley

Grillby had a black and white striped polo shirt he wore every time he and Sans went bowling.  Sans never saw it at any other time.  Had he gone out and bought it, just for bowling, or had he seen it in his closet and decided he would never wear it for anything else, ever again?  It was beyond Sans’ understanding.  

Sans loved bowling with him, though, because Grillby was awful at it.  They both liked the quality of the fried food there, so they kept going.  They were regulars.  Sometimes Sans would use his magic to knock over a pin for him, when he thought Grillby wasn’t paying attention.  

Sans usually got tired of trying halfway through the game, his throws getting more and more half-hearted, until they almost started out in the gutter.  Grillby warned him that if he fell asleep in the bowling alley someone was going to mistake his head for a ball.  

“you’ll protect me, grillbz.”

“…will I?”  Grillby glared at their respective scores.  Sans was still beating him, despite giving up so early on.  

“look, don’t _pin_ your score on me,” Sans said.  "you just need to learn to use your magic to cheat, like the rest of us."  

"I think throwing a fireball down the aisle will get us thrown out,” he said.  He looked at his basket of nachos, clearly weighing the advantages and disadvantages of getting them banned from the alley.

“just, like, pretend the ball is made out of fire.  i dunno.”  Sans yawned.  

“I can barely see the pins,” he said.  He took off his glasses and wiped them on his shirt.  "I think the enchantment on these is wearing off."

"excuses, excuses.”  

He put the glasses back on.  "Well, they’re still doing _something_.  Here.“  He took them off and held them out to Sans.  "Do they do anything for you?”

Sans took them.  His eye sockets saw fine, as far as he knew, but magic glasses would make him see better regardless.  From what he knew about Grillby’s vision, he should be able to clearly see details on the surface of the moon wearing his glasses. 

He looked around for a sign he couldn’t quite read, and then put the glasses on.  "yeah, it’s a little clearer with ‘em on.  hey, maybe i need a pair of these.  not +5k to vision or whatever yours are."

Grillby leaned in, awkwardly close for public.  "I wish I could see what you looked like.”  He was close enough that if either of them had noses, they would have touched.  "…now you’re in focus, but i can only see a small part of your face. Take a picture?"

Sans laughed, uncomfortable.  "you still got weird taste, grillbz, but whatever’s up your alley.  i guess.”  Once Grillby was back a normal distance, Sans took off the glasses, set them on a bowling ball, and snapped a shot.  

When Grillby got his glasses back and saw the picture, he just said “…the resemblance is uncanny.”  

Sans blew him a little kiss.  "hey, maybe, but you’re the one who decided to go out with me."  

”……true."  Grillby was trying not to laugh. "it’s your turn.”  

“ugh.” Sans hauled himself to his feet.  "i’ve decided.  whoever has the lowest score wins."  He aimed for the gutter.  If he didn’t knock down a single pin for the rest of the game, he was a shoe-in. He was pretty sure if Grillby tried to aim for the gutter, he’d start actually hitting something.  

"…wins what, exactly?"

Grillby had already paid for everything.  "winner pays for the next date.”

“That will be unfortunate for you.”  

It was true that Grillby was currently “winning,” but Sans turned out to be right.  When Grillby started aiming for the gutter, he occasionally knocked down pins.  Sans was consistently in the gutter.  Grillby figured out how to play worse, by the end, but it was too late.  He didn’t seem all that bothered, since he had already assumed he was paying for the next date.

They stepped outside, into the cool mid-morning air.  Grillby reflexively checked the sky, but there were only a few scattered clouds.  Most of the other people outside were human, but Sans noticed a couple monsters down the road.  

“hey, gz,” Sans tipped his head towards the other monsters, but Grillby had already noticed.  They were fire elementals.

Grillby was suddenly very still.  Sure, his sight was terrible, but he could sense heat and probably could recognize other elementals from a bigger distance than Sans could see.  

“old pals?” Sans asked.  

“…I know…one of them……”  

One of the other monsters came to an abrupt stop.  Mutual recognition.  Sans shoved his hands in his pockets and waited to see what was going to happen.  After a minute, the monster started walking towards them again.  

Sans tried to figure out if he knew them once he could make out their features.

“Grillby, it’s been years!” The shorter fire monster had a clear, easy to understand voice.  He held out his hand and Grillby shook it.  

“Hello.”  Grillby held himself together with a level of control Sans found unnerving.  "It _has_ been a very long time." 

"so this is an old friend?” Sans asked, again.  

“Very old friends,” the friend said.  He had a thin bright line on his face, like a mouth, and he seemed to be smiling.  

Sans wanted to ask if they were old _flames_ , but he was trying to make it _less_ awkward.  It’d have to wait.  "nice.  oh, you know, you seem familiar.  you ever stop and get a 'dog at a stand in old hot land?"

"I don’t think so?”

The other monster was looking from his friend to Grillby, and back again.

“i used to have one in snowdin, but i could only sell _chili_ 'dogs there.”   He laughed.

“Wait.  Why do you suddenly seem familiar?”  

“Monsters who don’t recognize Sans on sight usually recognize him from the quality of his jokes,” Grillby said.  

“yeah, i know everybody.”  Sans thought everyone wanted to leave, but they weren’t sure how to go about it.  "hey, grillbz, it’s great reminiscing with some old pals, but you’ve got work, right?  not that i mind if you’ve decided to slack off."

"Oh. Right.”  Sans thought he might be relieved, but it was tough to tell.  

“Grillby, we should definitely catch up one of these days.”

“Yes, of course.”  

No one exchanged contact information of any kind before they said goodbye.  

“ok,” Sans said, once they were out of sight.

“…just say it.”

“ok.  just.  he seemed kind of _cold_ , but was that an _old flame?_ ” He covered his mouth and chuckled.  

Grillby sighed.  "Yes.  He was…that. He was very important to me, actually, until everything… _went down in flames."_   He laughed at his own joke, and started to relax again.  

"ouch.”

“I thought we were going to get married,” Grillby said.  He shrugged.  "Things changed."

"pretty big change.”  

“I was very angry when it ended.”

“you make a habit of cutting people off completely when you break up with 'em?” Sans asked.  

Grillby looked at him.  "…I promise I don’t."

"just the guy it was serious with?”

“Sans?”  Grillby touched his arm.  Sans stopped walking and looked up at him. “I was…very young.  I didn’t want to accept I was partially responsible for what happened.”  He slid his hand down Sans’ arm and lightly gripped his elbow.  “When we first started seeing each other, I said something like…'I will always care for you’….didn’t I?  Regardless of how this went.  I meant it, when I said that.”

“ok.”

“…maybe you didn’t understand me.”  He sighed.

Sans patted his hand.  "nah.  i remember.  you’re kind of a sap sometimes, grillby.  but i like that about you."

"…if you like it, what does that say about you?"

"got me there.”  

Grillby really did have to get to work, so Sans took him on a quick shortcut back to their place to make up for the delay.  Grillby took one look at the time and pulled his shirt over his head.  

“that guy was pretty hot, though, have to admit,” Sans said.  

Grillby paused, his head still stuck in his shirt.  "…but he doesn’t…hold a candle to you."

Sans snickered.  "thanks.”

He tossed his shirt on the bed.  "…for a number of reasons.  He never sent me such handsome selfies, for instance." 

"cherish 'em.”  

“I plan on it.  Maybe I will print the last one out and have it framed.”  He had his work shirt on and half-buttoned before he finished talking.

“oh man.  you have to.”  Sans lay down on the bed, worn out from all the activity.  

“Sans. You aren’t going to sleep.”  

Sans yawned.  "'course not."  He closed his eyes.  

"Sans.”  Grillby sighed and the bed shifted as he sat down next to him.  "See you soon.“  Sans felt a kiss on his forehead.  

"probably be there for dinner.”  

“I’ll try to remember to refill the ketchup bottles.”  

“see?  how could i have turned you down?  you know how to sweet talk me like no one else does.”  

“…it is a rare monster who has access to the amount of condiments that I do.”

“i think i’m in love.”  

Grillby laughed.


	3. Loading Error

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans asks Alphys a technical question about the date HUD.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sort of sequel to [“A Skeleton Fell Asleep At A Bar”](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5760688). I just like messing around with the dating HUD concept, because I find it so silly to think about.

Sans hoisted his feet up on Alphys’ coffee table, right next to the empty snack bowl.  Alphys was next to him, leaning forward and squinting at the screen.  She was trying to pick out a name from the credits.

“Okay, was that just me, or was the ending really awful?” Alphys asked. “Did it just have to _completely_ undermine its own message of hope and friendship so it could have a boring twist?  And, sure, we didn’t predict it, but that’s because it made no sense whatsoever?  God, that’s awful!  Just throw this one in the trash next to the others.”

“eh, at least the end was funny,” Sans said.  "i slept through the rest of it.“

"You sleep through all of every m-movie!  Oh my god, what if we made a rating system for these and it was just based around what percentage of the movie you slept through?”

“but i sleep through all my my faves, alph.  that’s why they’re my favorites.”

They discussed the feasibility of such a rating system and Alphys vowed to set up a website for it in the next few days. Sans knew the odds were good she’d actually do it, and he kind of admired her energy.  "then you can put your own review in there along with my score," Sans said.  

"Oh, yeah!  Then people will know what an actual, real, good opinion looks like!” she said.  

Sans snickered.  "hey.  i resemble that." 

He’d had an ulterior motive for inviting himself over for movies, that night.  Maybe it was about time he brought it up.  He grabbed the remote and started flipping around, going through channels while he spoke.  "oh, hey, i got kind of a weird question for you, alphs.”  

“What is it?”

“it’s just more your kind of thing than mine.”

“So, it’s a c-computer problem, maybe?”  She perked up.

“eh, not exactly.  troubleshooting, though, you could call it that.”

“Well, uh, I’ll s-see if I can shoot your trouble for you, then?"  She groaned.  "Ok, that sounded funnier in my head, sorry.”  

He laughed.  "ok.  it’s just, uh, about the dating hud."

"Um, I can try to help?  But if you’re having, uh, relationship issues, I’m not r-really–”  

“nah,” he interrupted her before she started in with even more assumptions. “i mean, it’s literally a problem with the literal hud.”  

“Oh!  A technical issue with that?  Ha, I was like, I don’t think I’m the best person to go to if you’re having a fight with Grillby.”  

“why not?  you and the wife are doing all right.”  

“Yes!  She’s just amazing!  But, I mean, uh… _are_ you having problems with him?  I can–”

“nah,” he interrupted.  "don’t worry about it."  He set down the remote and grabbed his soda off the table.  "thing is, paps asked the other day what me and grillbz’s dating level was at, and got on our case when he found out we’d never used the thing.  it’s too much work for me and grillbz thinks he’s too old for it. but, you know.  papyrus.  so we loaded it up once and it looked kind of weird so we closed it.”  

“Weird how?”

“like, the bar was broken and in the negative somehow.  oh, and the population graph was going in a spiral.”  Everything had been messed up.  The time had just been question marks, and the egg hadn’t looked at all like an egg.  

“Oh, okay, that _is_ weird.  See, I kind of know a little about this because a while ago for me and Undyne the dog locator was showing 100 dogs?  In our basement? So Undyne went down there and I looked into what could go wrong with the HUD.”

“it broke?”

“No!  See, that’s the thing!  It doesn’t break, usually.  It’s just an organized magical projection of our wills, right?  That’s not something that breaks.  Generally, I mean.  It turned out it was registering one of my robots as 100 dogs for some reason.  We switched it off, and the HUD was back to normal.”

“so you’re saying it’s not the hud.  it’s me and the bf?  great.”  

“No?  I wish you had brought him along.  Then I could, you know, actually see – oh!  Wait!  Here, I’ll load it and we’ll see if it’s, um, you, or you and him, or – I mean, if there’s the same error with me, I m-might…”  

“what.  you’re a married monster, alphys.  i’m shocked.  luring me here and then asking me out.  i’m shocked right down to the bone.”  

“God!  Don’t make this gross!  This is just, um, you messing around on your computer and trying to replicate an error while I’m watching so I can help you fix it!”  

“no it’s not.”

“Ok, it’s a little weird but I’m trying to help!”

Sans shrugged.  They gave it a shot, and everything loaded up normally for a first date.  The egg was just an egg.  

“Well, that didn’t help, exactly, but it did give us _some_ useful information.”  

“so it’s either him or both of us.”  

“So, ok, when there _are_ technical errors it’s usually from something going wrong during loading.  There are some other causes, like illness and – anyway.  The main cause is a loading error.  And that’s what it sounds like, from what you described.  Both of you opened it normally?  No one tried to exit out of it before it was fully up?”

“we both kinda stared at it for a few minutes after we opened it.”

“See, if there is a technical error, it can persist because the HUD data gets preserved for future dates.  So maybe one of you accidentally opened it and then tried to exit? Before?”

“i’d probably remember that.  not like someone can try to date you without you noticing.”  

“Maybe you forgot?  Because, uh, well, he is a bartender, right?  You could’ve been, um, d-drunk?”

Grillby would have remembered, then.  Sans thought he had it figured out, though, what had happened.  He wasn’t sure why his date data got to be preserved across timelines when Papyrus’ dates with the human all started from the same base point.  He was a little weirded out.  What if he started going on dates with random monsters?  What if some of them already had saved data?  Hopefully it had been retained  _because_ of the error.  

“that’s probably it,” Sans said.  "i hit on him when i was drunk and he went along with it for a sec since i’m such a catch."

"Well, you know he must, uh, have had kind of a thing for you, right?  Or he was at least a little attracted…okay, ugh, never mind.  But, when he tried to close the HUD, it got all messed up because it hadn’t opened all the way, yet! You should ask him if he remembers something like that happening.  Now I’m curious!”

“sure, i’ll ask.”  He wasn’t going to ask.  He thought he had a pretty good idea what had happened.  "there a fix for it?"  That egg looked like it was going to explode.  

"Um, you kind of have to reset things?”

“uh.”

“Like, sometimes if you go on a fake first date you can trick the HUD into restarting?  I think there might be other ways to do that. I’ll look into it more, if, if you want?”  

“sure. still not going to use it much, but the messed up console is weirding me out.”  

“Okay!”

“you’ve been a big help, alphs.”  

“R-really? We haven’t even really…I mean, I haven’t done anything yet?”

“sure you have.  never would’ve figured this out on my own.”  

“I don’t know about that, b-but, you’re welcome!”  

The night was young.  They put in another movie.  


	4. Mother's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came from the prompt "sansby, telling a secret (can be funny or serious, whichever you want)" sent in by [sweetlysour94](http://sweetlysour94.tumblr.com/)

Browsing the aisles at the card store was one of the highlights of the surface.  The human world had an amazing range of terrible cheesy jokes, and some of the worst ones were waiting for him to find inside a birthday card for someone’s 60th.  

Grillby was over in the Mother’s Day aisle, having less of a great time looking for a card to celebrate the local holiday.  Sans wandered over every few minutes with a handful of cards to make him read, and he’d end up trying to help Grillby make sense of some baffling human cultural reference.  

“i’m thinking just get a gift,” Sans said.  "or, wait.“  He held up a card that said "You did a grape job!  Thank you for raisin me!”  There were cute cartoon drawings of fruit.  

Grillby looked the card over and put it back on the rack.  "Yes, a gift."

They went to a few stores.  Sans eventually nodded off on the bench outside, enjoying the sun.  He had no idea why Grillby was taking this holiday he’d just learned existed a week ago so seriously, but Sans liked that about him.  He’d caught Grillby looking through a photo album the other day, at a picture of himself sitting on his mom’s lap, stirring something in a pot with a spoon that was too big for his hands.

Grillby finally picked out something, so they stopped at a chain restaurant right next door.  Grillby thought the place was too "impersonal,” but didn’t hate the food.  

“you should franchise your place, grillbz,” Sans suggested.  "slap a logo of your face on a sign and open ‘em up all over the country." He doodled out a quick idea for a logo on his napkin.  

Grillby’s silence was somehow ice-cold.  

"you could retire, move to the country.”  

“…well,” he said, sighing when he realized Sans wasn’t going to let up on the joke.  "I have considered opening a second location, but I have no idea how to make sure quality doesn’t drop, so.  No." 

"huh.”  He’d had no idea Grillby had ever thought about it.  "so what’d you get mom?" 

He passed his judgement on the hat, even though he had no idea if Grillby’s mom would like it..  He mentioned that he’d probably take Frisk somewhere to pick out a gift for Tori, like he’d done every year since they first reached the surface.  

Grillby was paying for their meal, so Sans ordered a dessert and decided to use the extra time to stick his non-nose into something that wasn’t really his business.  

"i think i've met your whole family, so i’m guessing the other parent isn’t in the picture these days,” Sans said.  He hadn’t figured out yet if Grillby’s other parent was dead or just not great at being around.  He tried to pick out an answer from Grillby’s reaction.

His flames flickered, uneasy; his glasses tipping away like he wasn’t looking at Sans anymore.  "No, not in the picture."  

Sans shrugged.  "not my business.  it happens.”  

Grillby rearranged the drink menu in its stand and wiped at a blob of ketchup by Sans’ plate with his napkin.  

It was a long-shot, and Sans wouldn’t bet real money on it, but Grillby avoided the issue too much for it to be that they just fell down when he was a kid.  Sans was pretty sure there’d be a couple pictures around in that case, anyway, unless Grillby’s mom hoarded all of them.  So the other parent had left.  But then why was Sans getting guilt off of Grillby, every time he’d nudged at the subject?  

Sans’ guess was that the parent left and Grillby hadn’t seen them in so long he had no idea if they were alive or dead, and that bugged him, and he didn’t like having to think about it.  Fair enough.  Probably couldn’t even remember what they looked like, if it was long enough and there weren’t any pictures.  

“hey, one less gift to buy,” Sans said.

Grillby flipped straight to pissed off.  Yeah, there was guilt there.  

“ _Sans_ ,” he hissed.  "I don’t want to talk about it."

"oops, sorry.  guess that joke fell kind of flat.”  

Grillby was quiet while he calmed himself down.  

“figured i could kid about it, since i’m in the same boat,” Sans said.  Well, not really.  Close enough, anyway.  

“Oh.  Papyrus mentioned a…father, at some point.  He said he was too young to remember him when he went away.”

“something like that, yeah.”  There it was.  He said it was a similar situation, and Grillby’s guess was that Sans’ dad _went away,_ not died.“you know how kids are.  memories get messed up when someone falls down.”  That was close enough to the truth that he wasn’t exactly lying, and Grillby wasn’t likely to push the question.  

Unlike Sans, apparently.  God, he’d just been something else, pushing Grillby about his mysterious other parent because he was, what?  Curious?  He wanted to see if he could guess right?   _Wow_.  

“…ah.”  And look at Grillby.  Now he was upset with himself, for getting slightly peeved at Sans for pushing an issue they both knew from the start Grillby didn’t want to talk about.  

Sans shrugged.  

The waiter dropped off Sans’ dessert.  He dug in, even though his appetite was suddenly lacking.  

Papyrus had brought up the old man to Grillby?  It had to be recent, which meant Papyrus was still thinking about him, probably wondering what he’d been like, years and years later.  He hadn’t asked Sans about him in a very long time, because he knew Sans would just lie or change the subject.  

“They left when I was very young,” Grillby said.  "I haven’t seen them since.  They aren’t worth thinking about." 

"yeah. doesn’t do any good, does it?”  Sans snorted.  "hey, want a bite of this?"

"It’s ice cream.”  

“yep.  do you?”

Grillby sighed, and Sans poked a spoon towards him.  It got a few inches away from his face before melting into strawberry soup.  Grillby ate it, anyway, humoring him.  

“i didn’t know how to deal with it,” Sans admitted.  He didn’t have to give anything, but he found himself wanting to, just a little. “it was suddenly just me and my bro.  and he was young.”

“Judging from how he is now, you did fine,” Grillby said.  

“he’s pretty great, right?”

“Yes.”

“you’ve figured out exactly what to say to get on my good side, huh, grillby.”  

“Somehow.”  He took his own spoon and stole some more ice cream.  The heat from his hand on the metal spoon made the contents of the entire bowl melt slightly.  

Sans stirred it up and drank it.  "he’s been gone a long time."

Grillby nodded.  "When the waiter comes by, order us some drinks.  I could use one.”  

“you read my mind, buddy.”  


	5. Primary Contacts

Sans stood in front of the open fridge, considering the contents.  Cold air gently brushed against his bones.  

“…are you staying there for the rest of the night?” Grillby asked.

“hey, chill out.”  He chuckled.  "maybe i’m, uh, nostalgic. takes me back to the old place in snowdin."

Grillby sat at the kitchen table, sorting through a stack of papers.  Sans thought they had to do with taxes, and he was tempted to just take a shortcut out of the kitchen when he finished picking out a snack. That way he wouldn’t have to get near something that reeked so badly of work.  

"…does the entire room have to reminisce with you?"  Grillby picked up one of the papers and drew it closer his face.  He stared at it, and then drew it even closer.  The proximity mixed with his irritation at whatever was on the page, and a corner of the paper turned black.  

Even more annoyed, Grillby dropped it back down on the table.  

"ok. ok, don’t take this the wrong way.”  

Grillby’s glasses turned towards Sans.  

“i’ve been keeping an _eye_ on the situation.”  Sans winked.  “starting to _spec_ ulate that it’s time to _contact_ someone to fix your glasses.”  He knew Grillby had been intending to go for a while, but week after week had passed without him making an appointment.  There were always other things that were more important.  

Grillby seemed to sigh.  He took off his glasses and rubbed under where they had been.  "…will it turn out to be the glasses, or my sight?"

Sans shrugged.  He tracked down a mostly empty jar of pickles stuck in the back of the fridge and went and sat down across from Grillby.  

"I am getting old,” Grillby said.    

“well, one of us here looks like he just crawled out of a grave,” Sans said.  "you’re saying it’s you?"  Grillby had a few years on him, but not  _that_ many.  

Grillby ignored that.  "I will set up an appointment.  I’m sorry.  I’m just…tired.”  

“take some time off.”  

He shook his head.  "Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have needed a break.“

Sans didn’t think getting a chance to get old was all that bad, and he was pretty sure Grillby had plenty of good decades left.  He was also pretty sure saying "hey, quit it with the mid-life crisis” wouldn’t fix the problem.  "well, they say you’re as old as you feel.   buy a sports car and feel the wind in your hair."

"…" After a few seconds of Sans wondering if he’d pissed him off, Grillby laughed.  "…your brother can drive me around in his."

"he’d love that, actually.”  

“I should go buy some new, fashionable clothes….start a fad diet.”

“oh no,” Sans said, dead pan.  "i’m going to get dumped for a younger guy.  i can see it."  He sipped out of the jar.  "just, don’t date my brother.  that’d be weird." 

"…I won’t," Grillby said.  "…if I break up with you, it will be because you just made me think about dating Papyrus."

Sans coughed.  "hey now.  what’s wrong with my bro?”  

“…ok. Sans.  You are…not allowed to switch from telling me not to date him to getting mad when I say I won’t.”  Grillby was laughing. “…if I went out with him, he would break up with me after a single date, and I would be heartbroken.”  

“ok, fair enough.”  

“…probably after insulting my cooking.”  

“yeah, okay, maybe my bro doesn’t have a lot of tact, but if he did ever date anyone seriously, they’d be pretty lucky.”  

“…yes.”

Sans wasn’t sure if Grillby actually agreed with him, or if he was being humored.  He was not entirely positive what Grillby thought about his brother, other than that he had to be nice about him to stay on Sans’ good side.  The two of them were friends, sure, but there was always some kind of argument brewing that Sans actively went out of his way to miss hearing about.  

Grillby suddenly flickered in confusion.  "…what were we talking about?  Before you brought up your brother?"

"you’re getting new glasses.”  

“…oh, right.  How did that have anything to do with…?”  He retraced the conversation, and shook his head.  "I’ll set up an appointment."  

–

Sans didn’t mind running errands, since there was never any running involved.  He mostly got to sit around and nap, and he and Grillbz had food at some point.  It sounded a lot more like work than it actually was.  

He’d waited through Grillby’s brief vision exam, and now he was watching him try on new frames.  He kept asking Sans what he thought.

"uh.  i can give an opinion.  but, buddy, think about how i dress and think about how you dress, and ask yourself how much you want it.”

Grillby ignored that.  "…what about these?  There are so many more options on the surface."  

"not bad.”  Grillby looked weird in every pair of glasses that wasn’t exactly the same as his old ones, but the ones he had on weren’t a bad weird.  

The monster doctor had her own opinions, and hers were probably a little more useful.  They seemed to be narrowing in on a frame shape together, so Sans went back to flipping through magazines.  

“When did you have your last appointment?” The doctor asked, out of nowhere.  It took a second for Sans to realize the question was directed at him. 

“uh.  let me think.”  Sans didn’t need to think about it.  "it’s been a little while.“  He had never been to the monster eye doctor.  

"I have space right now,” she said.  "How long’s a little while?"

"i guess i could’ve gotten one as a toddler and not remember,” Sans said.  

“…Sans,” Grillby said.  

“it’s never been a problem.”  

Grillby said the magic words.  "…if you get checked out right now, I’ll pay for it."

"eh, why not.”  

He moved from sitting in a chair in the waiting room to sitting in a chair in the examining room.  The doc aimed things in his eye sockets and asked him if he could read things on a board.  Fifteen minutes later, he was back in the waiting room.

“turns out you’re not the only one getting old, grillbz,” Sans said, shrugging.  

“If you’ve never had an exam, your sight could have always been like this,” the doctor said.  "You were just used to it." 

"nah.  think it’s been getting worse, lately.”  

Grillby just nodded, and Sans wondered if being invited along had been a plot from the beginning.  Was there an air of self satisfaction in the way Grillby’s flames moved?  Sans normally didn’t think of Grillby as a devious guy, but every now and then he pulled one over on him.  Lucky for Grillby, Sans didn’t care that much about getting tricked into a socket exam.  

Sans picked a pair of frames at random, and then had his choice immediately rejected by everyone else in the room.  Grillby kept sticking frames on his face (literally, with tape, since Sans didn’t have a nose or ears), staring at him, and then setting them aside.  

“hey, pal, you know i don’t have to wear these all the time, so it doesn’t matter that much,” Sans said.  

“I am going to be looking at you more than you are,” Grillby said.

“i’m getting flashbacks to that suit sizing.”  If anyone pulled out a tape measure, he was gone.  

Grillby patted the side of Sans’ skull and tried another pair on him. “…there.  You look handsome.”  

“sure.”

Grillby held up a mirror to prove it to him.  Sans thought he looked like himself, except with glasses taped to his face.    

“whatever lights your fire, buddy,” Sans said, shaking his head.  

Sans decided that after they were done, he’d let Tori know he had to start wearing glasses, and then he’d go and get as many pairs of novelty glasses he could get his bony fingers on.  Every time he had to look at something outside his range around her, he’d grab one of those novelty glasses instead.  His sour mood dissipated thinking about her reaction.  

The doctor left the room, for a minute, and Grillby said, “Thank you for putting up with this.”  He gave Sans a little smooch, on the forehead.  

“not a big deal,” Sans said.  If there’d been anything to forgive, he forgave it.  Grillby had kind of turned him into a sucker.  "if it was, it’s over anyway."

Grillby nodded.  When the doctor came back into the room, he left his hand resting on Sans’ shoulder.  


	6. Playing with Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally a scene in [this story](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7258393), but it didn't fit there.

"hey, don't get mad at _me_ ," Sans said.  He leaned back in his chair and watched Grillby upside down.  "your bro's the one who said you were a goody-two-shoes, not me.  no, wait.  he called you a butt kisser, right?  one of those."  

“…it’s not like I never got into trouble,” Grillby said.  He was scrubbing the kitchen counter with more elbow grease than it needed.  Maybe Sans should lay off a little, but he was having a great time teasing him.  "Once, when I was young, I lied about my age so I could work in a kitchen.  Another time I–“

"wait."  Sans stared.  "back that truck up a sec.  we’re taking a detour because i need to hear about this.”

“There’s not much for me to tell you?  I told my mother I was running errands for my grandmother for money.  I worked at that restaurant for three months before I was found out.”  

“bet your mom was kind of burnt up about that.”  

“Yes, but in retrospect, she was angrier at the monster who hired me.  And he was just worried that word would get out and his place would be closed down.  I have no idea how I managed to trick anyone.”  

“so your big rebel phase was you got a job,” Sans said.  He was laughing.  "i can’t believe you."

"I also dated in secret once, when I thought she might not approve.  I was technically an adult but he was much older.  It went as well as you would expect.”  

“amazing.  you’re married to this day.”  

“Yes, exactly.”  

“what’d she say?”

“She never did find out.  Hm.  What else did I do?  As a child, I never cleaned up in the kitchen.”  

“i’m shocked.”

“Did you do anything terrible?  I’m imagining poorly thought out pranks.”  

“sure. that kind of thing.  ruined a shed trying to make a lens for a telescope.  the usual mistakes when you’re training your magic.  normal stuff.”  

“Could you take your shortcuts?  Those would be irritating for a parent.”

“uh, it’s kind of complicated.  most of that was later.  oh, hey, i got one you’ll like.  took a nap in a closet once and no one could find me.  they pulled out all the stops searching and then i just strolled out like ‘hey, why are so many people here?  we're having a party?’”  

“Your…father must have been…angry?”

“probably.  i know paps was, though.  i remember that.  never thought i’d hear the end of it, but now he’s got a lifetime of weirder places he’s found me sleeping in to draw on.”  

Grillby had a look on his face like a monster caught up in a memory.  Not that long ago, when he was packing, he half-filled a trunk with clothes and Sans had fallen asleep in it.  The lid closed and Sans woke up confused in the backseat of a car with another box stacked on top of him.  

“stop thinking about the trunk,” Sans said.

“I wasn’t.”  He laughed like a monster who was lying.  

“ok.”

“Yes, I was, fine.  I am always thinking about that, on some level.”  

“well, quit it.”  

“I wish I had gotten a picture.  If you had helped me pack at all I might have noticed you were gone.”  

“paps got like six pics of me in a laundry basket last year.”

“I know.”  

“you’re both kind of weird, you know that?”  


	7. Dampen Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Living with a fire elemental has its ups and downs.

Sans tiptoed back into the bedroom.  Half the bed was on fire.  It was nice seeing Grillby get a chance to have some real, deep sleep.  Sans swore that most of the time Grillby was sleeping, he was still at work in his head.

Sans settled back in on his part of their bed.  As soon as he had his pillows how he liked them, he noticed his side wasn’t free of fire anymore.  Some of it had migrated.  Grillby couldn’t be awake at all, or he’d have a little bit more of a shape, but some of him had crept over Sans’ arm.  

Who needed a blanket?  Sans didn’t anyway, but he used to use ‘em when he was younger.  He’d liked the weight of them on his tired bones. They’d turned out to be too much work, and now he shared a bed with someone who disliked them, but that someone also worked pretty well as a replacement.  

Grillby seemed to creep up onto Sans’ chest, and rest there.  Sans held his hands up, wondering if he should be doing something with them.  He gently patted at what he thought was usually Grillby’s head.

“you’re kind’ve, uh, cuddly,” Sans said, barely audible.  It was pretty nice.  No one was awake or around to hear him, anyway.  "guess i’ll keep you around.“  

What if this was Grillby’s leg, and not his head or his arm?  He got turned around somehow and now Sans was gently petting Grillby’s foot?  Sans tried not to laugh.  He didn’t want to shake the bed enough to wake Grillby up.  

He couldn’t stop himself.  He snickered, mouth covered, until he heard a garbled, crackling, ”…Sans?“  

"yeah? oh, sorry.”  

Grillby, his shape still sloppy, looked up from Sans’ chest.  

“go back to sleep, grillbz.”  

Sans expected a few words, but Grillby just dropped his head back down. There was a low noise, almost outside the range of what Sans could hear, that he recognized as snoring.  

 

\--

 

Smoke marks on the ceiling.  Ash in strange places.  Heat discoloration on the walls.

Sans didn’t notice.  He noticed Papyrus noticing.  

The smoke marks on the ceiling disappeared.  The ash got carefully brushed away.  The walls returned to their normal colors.  

Sans didn’t notice.  He noticed Grillby noticing.  

There was a dent in the couch where Sans usually sat, permanently set in place from long hours of rigorous sitting in front of the television. He comfortably settled there, flipping through a magazine.  Papyrus was standing on the back of the couch, scrubbing the ceiling.  A bucket, smelling heavily of chemicals, was perched a little closer to Sans than he liked.  He wasn’t in the mood to take a bleach shower.  

He also wasn’t in the mood to get up off his bones.  It was a real conundrum, but laziness was winning out.  

“don’t think it’s coming out,” Sans said.  

“I JUST NEED TO GIVE IT MY ALL!”  

“i guess if you scrape the paint off, it solves the problem.”  

“MAYBE I SHOULD JUST REPAINT?”  Papyrus asked.  

“he sits here all the time.”

“SO I WILL DO IT AGAIN!”  He went back to scrubbing.  

Sans heard Grillby come in the room.  He looked up and watched Grillby undo his bowtie one-handed.  That was still a sight for a skeleton’s weary eyesockets.  

He wasn’t the only tired one.  Grillby burned low.  

Grillby stopped walking, his hand hovering over his tie, and stood very still when he registered Papyrus on the back of the couch.  His glasses slowly aimed down, until they settled on the bucket.  

“hey,” Sans said.  

Grillby shook his head, and went into the kitchen without saying a word.  

Great.  Now he wasn’t going to sit on the couch until he was sure the ceiling was dry.  Sans had been looking forward to sitting around _with_ someone.  

He got up, almost knocking over the water in the process, and followed Grillby into the kitchen.  

Grillby was already at the stove, making himself dinner.  

“anything in there for me?”  Sans asked.  

Grillby nodded.  He wordlessly showed Sans the contents of his frying pan.  He didn’t look _just_ tired – his shape was off, almost blurred, and his hands were missing individuation of his fingers.  That read more as exhausted, to Sans.  

“nice.  thanks.  you’re burning a little low, there, buddy.  you all right?”

Grillby tipped his head, thinking.  His hand gripped the handle of the pan, and he almost slammed the pan back down on the stove.  "…your brother is _cleaning_ _up_ _after me_ ," he hissed.  The temperature in the room jumped.  Grillby still was missing his usual shape, but he wasn’t burning low anymore.  "…other than _that_ ……I am _fine_.“  

He died down again, almost immediately.  Yeah, Grillby was tired, and it was making him cranky.  Not that he didn’t have a point.  "yeah, bro can kind of go overboard with that stuff.  sure, he’s never gone on more that four dates with one person, but that’s cause he’s already in a long term relationship with mr. clean." 

Grillby dumped their food onto plates.  Even when he was being sloppy, the food he made looked beautiful.  It was artfully disheveled.  

"i can’t tell him that, though.  cause of, uh, how i am.  as a person.”

“…this doesn’t involve you,” Grillby said.  "I shouldn’t have brought it up.“

"i thought you were up in arms about him carrying buckets of water around,” Sans said.  At least he knew what the actual issue was, even if he couldn’t do anything about it.  

“…just keep them away from me.”  

“fair enough.”  Sans shrugged.

They ate dinner in their bedroom.  Grillby didn’t bring up the issue to Sans, again.  

Nothing seemed to change, at first, but a few weeks later Sans caught Papyrus scrubbing down the kitchen wall in the middle of a Saturday afternoon.  

“pretty exciting day planned out, huh, bro,” Sans said.  

“YES! THIS HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME ALL WEEK!”

“you could say it’s been…”

“NO!”

“…driving you _up the wall_?”  

“NO! I COULD NEVER SAY THAT!”  

Sans started to notice that Papyrus only did that kind of cleanup on Saturdays, well into the day, when Grillby was working.  During the week, he did his regular cleaning after his own work day, but the Grillby specific kind only happened during the time when Papyrus had off _and_ Grillby was least likely to show up.  

They must have had a conversation.  Sans had no idea.  They did their own thing, and had their own arguments, and he just hoped they never got bad enough that Papyrus wanted to move out.  Maybe there was something to that whole “honestly talking through issues” thing, because it never seemed to get to that point.  If it got close, he didn’t notice.

Sans would leave them to it, then. 

 

\--

 

It had to have been five minutes Grillby had been standing in the same spot, staring at himself in the bedroom mirror.  Sans was half awake and watching Grillby look at himself.  

Grillby sprang into action.  He wiped off the mirror with his pajama sleeve, and then went back to blankly staring.  

Sans wasn’t sure Grillby knew he was also awake.  "i mean, i don’t blame you for wanting to look at your face, grillbz.“

He started.  "Sans?”

“but, uh, you feeling all right?”  

Grillby rubbed under his glasses.  "Yesterday was very long.  Today is going to be just as long."

Two of his best employees had called out sick, and Sans guessed the replacements weren’t cutting it.

He’d suggested once, in a similar situation, that Grillby tell his people to come in anyway.  Grillby said something about having a customer with low HP who got sick really easily, and then he’d spent several minutes just glaring while Sans pretended he had no idea who Grillby was talking about.  "sounds like it’s time to retire.”

“I am _not_ that old,” Grillby snapped.  The room heated up, and he had to wipe off the mirror again.  

Grillby usually didn’t mind that joke.  "uh.  i mean–"

Grillby left the room before Sans could finish talking.  Sans groaned and hauled himself out of bed.  He found Grillby in the kitchen, back to the door.  He’d died down.  

"…I’m sorry I snapped at you," he said.

"not a big deal.”  Sans was a little annoyed himself, now.  He was pretty sure Grillby was more sorry he’d snapped because it was embarrassing for him than he was about making Sans chase after him.  “i get that you’re kind of _burnt out._ ”

Grillby sighed.  He started to slowly gather things together for breakfast.  Sans made himself a full pot of coffee.  

He noticed Grillby eyeing the pot, metaphorically speaking.  Maybe thinking there’d be some merit in starting the day with caffeine in him.  

“you could probably brew it with beer or…”  He shrugged.  That sounded disgusting, but who was Sans to judge?

Grillby shook his head.  "…don’t look at me.“  He took the bag of coffee grounds off the counter.

But Sans couldn’t look away.  He watched Grillby grab a handful of grounds out and toss them in his fiery pit of a mouth.  The smell of coffee was suddenly overpowering.  

"maybe there was a better way to do that,” Sans said.  

Grillby shook his head.  "I will have to face the consequences of my actions."  He grabbed another handful.

"wait. just wait a sec, see how the –”

He tossed it in.  He was already burning brighter.  "It’s not poisonous."

"no, but – wait.”  He replayed their conversation in his head.  "did you just say," he cleared his throat so he could do his best Grillby imitation.  "‘I will have to face the consequences of my actions’?  wow.  i mean, on one hand, that was kind of cool.  i’m impressed.  on the other hand…"  He snickered.  

”…on the other hand, what?“  Grillby crossed his arms over his chest. He still had the bag in his hand.  

"on the other hand, that was _really_ cool.”

Grillby shook his head.  

“yeah, yeah, i know.  'I’m a fire monster.  I can’t be cool.’  except somehow, you are, which makes you even cooler.”

“You sound nothing like me.”  

“guess i’d better practice.”  

Grillby covered his face with his hand.  "…go back to bed, sans."

"but someone has to stick around long enough to button your shirt for you when your hands are shaking too much to do it yourself.”  He gestured towards the stove.  "and, anyway, breakfast."

Grillby set down the bag of grounds, shaking his head.  He finished cooking.  Sans kept an eye on him.  

"if those college kids aren’t pulling their weight?  normally i’d say cut 'em a break, but, you know what?  this time i say _fire_ 'em.”

“You’re always telling me to _fire_ people.  And you’re kidding, but I might.”

Sans was definitely spending some time at the bar.  Maybe he’d bring his trombone along, in case someone did get fired.  Maybe he’d figure out a way to get Grillby to take a break when the caffeine crash hit him.

 

\--

 

Sans looked over in the middle of a tedious action scene, expecting to see Grillby riveted to the television, and was a little surprised to find him not paying attention at all.  He was staring out the window.  

The rain had acted for a little while like it was thinking about slowing down, but it had ramped itself up again.  It came down sideways and splattered against the glass.

“hey, you missed the big bang,” Sans said, nudging him.  

Grillby tore his gaze away and Sans hit rewind.  He watched, this time, but didn’t give off any signs that he was interested.  

“at least you don’t have to go out in it today,” Sans said.  "that’d really rain on your parade.  put your mood down the drain.  what’s worse than raining buckets?“

Grillby shrugged.

" _hailing taxis_.  what do you call a dangerous precipitation?  a _rain_ of _terror_.” Sans laughed at his own joke and patted Grillby on the knee.  "look, it won’t last forever.“

"I feel like I moved to Waterfall,” Grillby said.  "At least the air was dry in Snowdin."  He was almost drooping.  

"i’d say let’s move to a desert somewhere but you know icing always gets stuck in my joints.”  

“…I don’t think that one worked.”

“no i’m pretty sure that’s the best joke i’ve ever made.”

“You have to pronounce desert differently.”

“but if i do that, then you’ll catch on before i get to the icing bit.  everyone’s a critic.”  

“Maybe you should have just discarded the joke entirely.”  

Except then they’d still be talking about how miserable the weather was making him.  "nah.  i couldn’t just _desert_ it like that." 

Thunder rumbled, and Grillby turned back to the window.  "…I wanted to go _out_ for this date."  

"we don’t have to watch tv,” Sans said.

“It doesn’t matter _what_ we do, because I _can’t_ go out.”

“ok.”  He shrugged.  "sorry."  Maybe an even worse joke would distract him for longer.  He just needed to think one up.  

"This is untenable.”  Grillby stood up.  Sans’ hand fell back onto the couch.  

“uh.  you going somewhere?”  Sometimes, when Grillby was annoyed, he did some angry cooking.  He looked like he needed to blow off steam, so maybe that would help better than some cheesy jokes.  

Grillby nodded and marched over to the coat closet.  He got out his rain jacket, and his boots, and started yanking them on.  

“i kind of like the rain.  even i’m not feeling up to going out in this,” Sans said.  

Grillby got his umbrella.  "…you don’t have to come with me.“

"i mean, this is going to hurt.  that umbrella and coat are not going to cut it.  if you want to, uh, confront whatever, maybe wait half an hour.  work up to this from a drizzle.”  

“I’ll be back to my senses in half an hour,” Grillby said.  He made sure his long black coat was properly buttoned.  

This was apparently happening one way or the other.  "ok.  give me a sec to get my coat, too."

"…you really don’t have to come along."  He flickered with guilt.  

"nah. this is a date, right?”  He took his time getting over to the closet.  He never wore the nice raincoat Papyrus had bought for him, so it still looked brand new.  It was covered in dinosaur skeletons and Sans genuinely loved it, but wearing special clothes for different weather didn’t occur to him most days. 

“…are you ready?”

“wait.  i think i’ve got a hat on the shelf up there.”  He couldn’t reach, so he backed up and used his magic to bring every item down to try and find it.  

Grillby came back over, got the hat off the shelf, and set it on Sans’ head.  “…ok?”

“now i’ve just got to put all this back up there.”  

“…you’re stalling for time, but the weather’s just gotten worse while you did that.”  

“nah.  i’m just not in the same hurry you are,” Sans said.  He was counting seconds between lightning strikes and thunder, and the storm was getting closer.  

“…then, stay.”

“let’s go.”  Sans took his arm and looked up at him.

Grillby was taken aback.  He started to say something.  

“what.”  Maybe Grillby had realized he was being a little bit over the top about this, and they could go sit on the couch again.  

“…that hat.  You look adorable.”  He was genuinely struck by this.  

Sans counted three seconds between the flash of lightning and the thunder that followed it.  "yeah, and this dino raincoat paps probably got in kids’ sizes is probably really getting the home fires burning, too, right grillbz?"

He shook his head.  "The coat is too much.  All your clothes are too much, or something you picked up out of a landfill.”

“sounds about right.”

“The hat is perfect, though.”

Sans reminded himself that he was _lucky_ that Grillby had weird taste.  He was kind of flattered, actually, which was not a feeling he was used to when it came to people talking about how he looked. “uh, thanks.”

“You should wear them more often.”  His tone was decisive.

“i’ve got a bunch.”  

“Those don’t count.”  

There was a bright flash, and Grillby looked back towards the door.  Sans counted two seconds before the thunder.  He thought quickly.  

“i’ve actually got a couple ones you can’t drink soda out of.  i just don’t wear ‘em.”  Sans glanced at the door.  "you want to see 'em?"  This had to be a little better than going outside.  

Grillby sighed.  He knelt down and kissed Sans on the forehead.  The warmth lingered, even as he stood up again.  "Later.”

“i’m getting kind of hungry,” Sans tried.  

“We’ll walk to the place right down the road.”

“plus, this is a really bad idea.”

“…you don’t have to come along,” Grillby said.  "Even if this was a date.  I’ve told you that."

"i don’t care about getting rained on.”  Sans made an aggravated noise and scraped his phalanges down his face.  "if you go out in this, buddy, it’s going to hurt, and someone should be around to make it stop.  c'mon.  we’re all dressed up, so i’ll just take us on a shortcut.  we’ll grab something to eat." 

He shook his head.  "Wherever we go, I will still be stuck inside.  It doesn’t matter if it’s here, or a restaurant." 

"yeah, but you’ll be stuck inside with a whole basket full of onion rings.”

Grillby laughed.  

“let’s bring up a weather map.  bet there’s someplace close enough where it’s slowed down, and then when we’re done you can get yourself rained on.”  By then, it’d probably be just a normal storm.  

Grillby watched the rain come down outside the window, his expression difficult to read.  "…all right.“  He adjusted Sans’ hat.  "…it’s a date, anyway.  We should find something we both want to do."  

Sans felt the tension go out of his spine.  He hadn’t realized he’d been  _that_ worried about it.  

He was counting six seconds between lightning and thunder by the time they figured out where they were going to eat.  The rain was still coming down when they left the restaurant, but not bad enough that a good umbrella and a good coat couldn’t protect them.  

Sans suggested Grillby get one of those huge rain ponchos or go full camping gear if he wanted to go out in bad weather so much.  Grillby was visibly repelled by the idea and then refused to consider it further.  

They found a small, empty park and Sans took off his coat and set it down on one of the benches for extra protection.  He was ok without it, even with Grillby holding the umbrella up too high to be of any use to him.  When they were sitting down, it kept most of it away from both of them.

Grillby hovered his free hand over the side of Sans’ face, and his fire magic warmed Sans straight through.  Water came off of him in steam.  Some rain had gotten into his eye sockets, and heat curled out until he had never felt drier or warmer in his life.  

Grillby apologized, quiet, for being a little strange from being cooped up, and put his arm around Sans’ shoulders.  

Sans swung his legs on the bench.  The rain barely hit him before it sizzled off again.  Even his shoes were bone dry.  

"i dunno.  we ate someplace new and now we’re out here and it’s pretty nice.  i think it worked out ok.”  

He nodded.  

“even if it didn’t work out-”  he shrugged “-guess i love you or something, 'cause that would have been ok, too.”  

“………thank you.”  

Water steamed off the umbrella, and the bench, and even the ground around the bench, leaving them in a small dry pocket of comfort in the middle of the rain.  


	8. Hot Under the Collar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by a prompt from [noire73](https://noire73.tumblr.com/): **I don’t think I have read from you like a couple fight between Sans and Grillby. How about that? Like maybe, Grillby got fed up about something in particular Sans always does or vise versa.**

Sans hadn’t noticed, at first.  

Well, no, that wasn’t entirely true.  He _had_ noticed, but hadn’t thought much about it.  Everyone had their bad days and their mood swings, and Grillby didn’t get to be exempt from that.  He didn’t snap at Sans or _say anything,_ so Sans just figured he’d catch up on his sleep and get over it.

Sans woke up with Grillby’s arm across him.  He snorted and carefully moved it to keep from waking Grillby up.  He left for his morning errands, and got back at the time Grillby usually had breakfast, but he had already left for work.  Sans found a plate left for him in the fridge, and he cleared it off, but he didn’t just come back for breakfast to eat Grillby’s food.

Well, Grillby was a busy guy.

Sans stopped by the bar for lunch.  It wasn’t slow, but it wasn’t busy enough that Grillby wouldn’t normally stop over and take his order and listen to a couple bad jokes.  Sans notice him gesture at the waiter, and that guy was the one who took Sans’ order and brought him his food.

Sans waited until Grillby happened to walk past.  "hey,“ he said.

Grillby stopped, but didn’t look directly at him.  Oh boy.  

"what’s up?  you ok, buddy?”  

“………I’m fine.”  He went back to work.

Ok so.  Grillby was pissed at him, and Sans had no idea why.  He tried to think back to when he’d noticed the mood change.  He’d made some bad jokes, sure.  He’d been no more of a slob than usual.  He’d been slightly _less_ lazy than normal.  It had to be something else, but he couldn’t figure it out.  

Later, he sat down next to Papyrus on the couch.  He always knew he’d find Papyrus watching TV at that time, since it was when one of Mettaton’s shows aired.  

“catching your fave box on the box, huh,” Sans said.

“OF COURSE!  DOESN’T HE LOOK DREAMILY RECTANGULAR, TONIGHT?”  Papyrus sighed.  He had pulled on his official MTT Fan Club t-shirt over his regular work clothes.  

“sure.  hey, quick question.”

“COMMERCIAL, SANS!” Papyrus said, annoyed.  

“ok.”  He settled in.  "i need a shirt for this, too?"

"PLEASE WEAR A SHIRT IN THE LIVING ROOM, AT ALL TIMES!”  

Sans snorted.  He waited until Mettaton’s beautiful face left the screen.  “ok.”

“ASK QUICKLY, BEFORE HE COMES BACK ON!”

“uh. ok.  grillbz tell you what he’s mad about, the last couple days?”

“GRILLBY HAS BEEN ANGRY?”  Papyrus asked.  "I HADN’T NOTICED, BUT I WILL ASK HIM!"

”…nah, it’s ok.  heh.  must just be at me."  

Papyrus tore his eye sockets away from the screen.  "IT IS NOT LIKE HIM TO NOT MENTION–” he broke off.  "NO THAT IS EXACTLY LIKE HIM.  I AM SURE HE WILL TELL YOU OFF FOR WHATEVER YOU DID, EVENTUALLY!  JUST GIVE HIM A LITTLE TIME.  IT WON’T TAKE ANY LONGER THAN A FEW YEARS!"

"great.  thanks.”

“BUT WHEN YOU ASKED, HE REFUSED TO TELL YOU?”

“i guess i haven’t directly asked.”

“THAT IS THE VERY FIRST STEP, BROTHER!  DIRECTLY CONFRONT THE PROBLEM!  APOLOGIZE, WITH SINCERITY!  VOW TO NEVER REPEAT YOUR TERRIBLE ACTIONS!  AND THEN…ACTUALLY DO NOT DO THE THINGS YOU VOWED NOT TO DO!”

“sounds easy,” Sans lied.  

“IT CAN BE VERY DIFFICULT, BUT I BELIEVE IN–”  His show came back on, and he looked back at the screen.  "…I BELIEVE IN YOU…" he trailed off, no longer paying full attention.

"thanks.”

“YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE ME TO TURN TO, BROTHER!”  He reached over and patted at Sans’ shoulder, without turning away from the TV.  

“you’re the best, bro.”  Sans stayed and watched the rest of the episode with him.  Once it started to get late, he read Papyrus his bedtime story and went back into the living room and dozed off in front of the television.  

The sound of the door rattling woke him up.  "hey, welcome back, grillbz," Sans said.  He didn’t miss how Grillby burned hotter when they made "eye” contact.  

Grillby nodded, slowly, and started to walk right past him towards their bedroom.  

“uh.  there a reason you’re ticked off at me?” Sans asked.  

Grillby didn’t answer.  He kept walking.  

“k.”  That answered for sure whether he was or not.  Sans rubbed his skull.  Maybe he just had to wait this out.  When Papyrus got really mad, Sans sometimes just let it wash over him for a while, until he felt Sans had been properly chastened.

That felt lazy, but he wasn’t really being given any other option.  

He barely saw Grillby at all the next day.  Sans even stayed away from the bar, figuring his boyfriend needed a little break from looking at Sans’ face.  

The day after that, he came back for breakfast, like usual, and Grillby was still there.  He nodded at Sans, once.  The temperature in the room cranked up a few notches.  

“so, uh.”  

Grillby shook his head.  He put some food on a plate and set it on the table. Sans sat down and stared at it.  He didn’t have much of an appetite, for a change.  

Grillby gestured at the plate and sat down with his own.  

Sans took a few bites.  They both ate in silence, until Sans had enough.  

“so.  not sure how to take this,” Sans said.  If he was with anyone else, with this mood, he would figure the food was poisoned.  But that wasn’t really Grillby’s style.  

“…….regardless, you should eat,” Grillby said.  

“ok.  regardless of what?  i’ve been over the last month in my head, and i can’t think of any stand out screw-up that would earn this many days of the silent treatment.”  

Grillby flared up, briefly.  He turned his attention back to his plate, visibly calming himself down.  He didn’t just get up and leave, though, so Sans thought they were making progress.

“i mean, i’ll say i’m sorry, but it’s kind of a weak apology if i have no idea what i did.”

“…I don’t want an apology from you.”  

“ok.  what do you want, then?”  Begging?  Groveling?  Sans was trying not to get annoyed.  

“………you wouldn’t mean it,” he said.  "…you would say it……just so I would stop being angry." 

Sans winced.  Maybe he’d done that a few times.  He’d been pretty accurately read.  "how about you tell me what i did, and if i don’t think i did anything wrong, i won’t say it.”  

He shook his head.  "………and if I had told you, you would have said, ‘how was i supposed to know?’  And you would be right.  You’ve done the same thing before, and it never bothered me.  There was really no way for you to know."

"i mean, i tell a lot of bad jokes, and sometimes it gets on your nerves for a little while, but usually not this long.  if i crossed a line with something, and you don’t tell me where the line was, not sure how to avoid doing it again.”

“There really was no way for you to know.  I just…thought about how you would react and didn’t want to have you…act like you cared, or pretend to take responsibility, so things could go back to normal.”  

“you got pretty pissed at the guy you imagined.  but, hey, it’s not like you were wrong,” Sans said, shrugging.  "kind of just want things to go back to normal.  if we’re being honest, here."

”…sorry I–"

"nope.  you don’t get to say that if i’m not.”  

“…you’re angry.”  Was Sans misreading him, or did Grillby look pleased about that?  

“eh.  something like that.”    Sans shrugged.  "see, i want to be mad, because at least give me a chance to mess up, right?  but i’ve done what you said before, so, ok.  it just took you a while to get as pissed about that as you should’ve."

Grillby leaned forward.  "Sans.  Are you doing that, right now?  Telling me I’m right so I’ll let it go?”  

“uh. dunno.”  He genuinely had no idea.  He hadn’t had a lot of time to process anything.  He held up his hands.  "hey, if you aren’t buying what i’m selling, anyway, you might as well just tell me what i did in the first place that set this all off." 

The kitchen stayed quiet for a minute, other than the regular background crackling that Sans barely heard most of the time anymore.  It suddenly seemed loud.  

"you’ll think what you want about me,” Sans said.  "but i don’t like hurting you, grillby.  i don’t.  if i can figure out how to not do it again, that’d be pretty nice.  i’m starting to get that apologizing when i didn’t mean it kind of was a bad idea, and i probably should try to cut that out.  the other thing, though, who knows?"

"…………it wasn’t…that bad.   I…"

"no, i get it.  it’s, uh, all the lying, not whatever bad joke i made.  still, i want to hear it.”  

“…when you…mistranslated…”  He looked away, flickering with unease.  

Oh, yeah.  That had been near the top of Sans’ list of guesses.  It had been pretty funny at the time, though, and it hadn’t bothered Grillby the other times he’d done the same thing.  But that’s what Grillby said, right?  There was no way Sans could have known it would be different.

“right,” Sans said.  "is it really that bad to apologize for stomping on someone’s foot, even when it wasn’t on purpose?”  He sighed.  “or maybe you just want me to mean it."

"…that monster I was talking to.  I…admired them, at one point.  You wouldn’t know that." 

"eh, you know, this was going to happen at some point.  i think that whole joke setup was leading up to something like this.”  

“…it’s not your job to translate for me.  I don’t pay you to do it correctly.”  

Sans shrugged.  It wasn’t Grillby’s job to feed him in his off hours, either, but he did it even when he was angry.  

“…..and I normally don’t care.  I was embarrassed.”  

Why shouldn’t Grillby get pissed about that, though?  In retrospect, Sans was getting a little annoyed at himself for all the other times he’d done it.  Grillby had apps on his phone, and he could write and he knew sign language, but he was a little dependent on people helping him out when he had arms full of dishes and he needed to be understood right then and there.  

He couldn’t help but think the main reason Grillby wasn’t peeved was because it was just how it was, so he learned to accept it.  Red Bird’s guesses had always been close enough to what he meant that it didn’t matter, right?  

Was that what Sans wanted, though?  For him to just have to accept that kind of behavior from someone who lived with him?  And should care enough about him to want to make his life easier, not harder?  

“Sans?”

“sorry.   just thinking about something.”

He nodded.  The room temperature had dropped back to normal, or Sans had adapted to the heat.   _If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen._ Sans very carefully did not let his expression change.  He thought the same thing every time Grillby got mad at him, when he was absolutely not going to want to hear it.  

“…what’s funny?”

“ok.  that’s not fair.”  Grillby knew him too well.  He couldn’t get away with the stuff he used to.  

“…tell me later.  I’m not mad at you for thinking of a joke.”

“it wasn’t even – ok, never mind.”  He noticed the clock.  "i guess we’ll finish this later."

"You should stop by the bar for lunch.  I was very angry yesterday when you didn’t stop by to see how angry I was at you.”    

Sans snorted.  "i missed out.“  

Grillby laughed a little, too, at himself.  "I feel better.  I knew I would.  You always sound very reasonable.”  He sighed.  "…I wanted to be angry, longer."

Sans nodded.  He got that.  

Grillby looked at the clock and pushed his chair back.  He came around the table to kiss the top of Sans’ skull.  "I missed you.”

“yeah, me too.”

Grillby left very soon after that, and Sans was left alone in the kitchen. He rubbed his eye sockets.  

Well, now he knew what he’d done.  He wished there was a way to avoid that kind of fight, but that kind of wish had gotten him here, hadn’t it?  Avoiding it didn’t make it go away, apparently.  Rude.  Problems should just wither away and die when you stopped paying attention, instead of somehow getting bigger and then sneaking up on you when you thought you had everything figured out.  

It’d be easier if he didn’t care; if he really could just ride out an argument without feeling anything, but he’d made a point to give up on giving up.  

Sans wanted to go back to bed.  He hauled himself up out his chair and left the house before that turned into too tempting an idea.  


	9. Good Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been about a year since Sans and Grillby moved in together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, for your comments and kudos as I worked through this series!

There was a weight on Sans’ chest.  Lucky for him, it wasn’t a metaphor.  

Sans’ alarm was blaring on the nightstand.  He carefully used his magic to bring his phone over so he could shut it off.  Grillby was already muttering.  If he got too heated, he might actually move his head off Sans’ rib cage.  

Sans started to drift off again and his phone started ringing.  It was the ringtone he had set for Tori.  He internally cursed the jerk who told her to call if he was running late in the morning.  He was that jerk. He needed to get his tailbone out of bed and start his day.  

He wondered what gave him the idea he should take on all these responsibilities.  That wasn’t his style.  

“………” Grillby mumbled something.  Sans guessed he was pointing out that the phone was ringing.  

Sans rejected the call and sent a message, instead:

_*can’t. trapped._

_*gimme like ten minutes_

 

Toriel responded as quickly as her large hands would allow her to type:

_*Oh dear!_

_*I suppose I will just have to leave your breakfast muffin in the microwave until then!_

_*I do hope it still tastes all right!  I normally only heat it up for fifteen seconds!_

_*Sans, get off your butt!_

 

_*done.   don’t have one._

_*tori please i’m being firewalled here_

_*I am sure you will figure out a way to escape when you are hungry!_

 

_*look at this_

Sans carefully aimed the phone’s camera to get a shot of Grillby’s sleeping face.  Grillby’s hand came up and covered the camera lens.  Sans took the picture and sent it to Toriel.  

_*That is certainly very orange._

_*Sans, orange you coming to breakfast?_

_*If you are actually unable to come, I will of course drive my child to school.  I do wish you would inform me in advance._

 

_*five minutes_

_*ok six cause i got a joke_

_*why did the monster lose his job at the orange juice factory_

 

_*He did not have enough ap-peel, perhaps?_

 

_*no but that’s good_

_*that’s real good tori_

_*thanks for that_

_*anyway it’s cause he couldn’t concentrate_

 

_*]:D Oh my goodness!  LOL!  I will have to show this to Frisk.  I am sure they will enjoy it._

 

Grillby’s hand dropped down and he pressed his face against Sans’ chest.  Now they were back to ten minutes.  Sans wasn’t feeling all that hurried, but he decided he should probably do something at some point.  He rubbed Grillby’s back.  "uh, sorry babe,“ Sans said.  "pretty sure you’re not actually asleep.”  

“…” Grillby sighed.  He moved enough so that Sans was free.  

Sans stretched and sat up, a little disappointed.  The bones of his left arm were sore and warm from being pinned to the bed for too long.  It wasn’t hot enough to cook an egg all the way through, but it was a near thing.  

He got up and tossed his shirt into the “nope” pile.  He was making an effort, lately, which meant he kept a separate pile on the floor for clothes that should probably get washed at some point.  It was getting a lot bigger than the “sure” pile he pulled a new shirt out of.

He glanced back at the bed before heading out, and noticed that Grillby seemed to be watching him.  It could be tough to tell, and it wasn’t like he could actually see more of Sans than a blur without his glasses, but he was more alert than he had been a couple minutes ago.

“……no kiss goodbye?”  Grillby asked.  

Sans snorted.  "sure.  let me gaze into your eyes while i’m doin’ that.  'cause that’s just the kind of romantic guy i am."  He went back to the bed and leaned in, close. 

”…that is more like…my ear," Grillby said.

"yeah, _that’s_ the kind of romantic guy i am,” Sans said.  He touched his finger bones to his own mouth, and then pressed them against Grillby’s face.  Close enough.  "there.  get some sleep for me, while i’m out." 

"…fridge."

"what.”  Sans stared.  

“……… _fridge_.”

Wait, Grillby had made something for him to bring to Tori, hadn’t he?  He’d almost forgotten.  "got it.  go to sleep, grillbz."

Sans grabbed the tupperware from the refrigerator before taking a shortcut to Toriel’s.  He made it just in time to walk the kid instead of taking them on another shortcut to school.  He’d missed breakfast, though.  He headed back to her place, remembering something about a muffin.  

Toriel was still in her kitchen.  She had Grillby’s tupperware open and she’d heated up some of the snail dish inside.  

"that any good?” Sans asked.  He zeroed in on a muffin on a tiny plate next to the microwave.  

“Sans,” she said.  " _Sans_.  If I were not a very tall woman and was more his type, I would seduce your friend away from you.“  

"i know, right?”

“Oh!  Does he have a brother, perhaps?”  

“uh.”   Sans sat down across from her.  "sure, but he’s not _your_ type." 

"I shall be the judge of that, mister.”  She frowned.  "Why have you not started eating?  You look like a bag of bones!"

They both laughed.  

"yeah, ok, sure.  he’s just spent a lot of time in prison and he and his kid’s mom had a falling out that’s pretty recent.”  

“Honestly, Sans, a criminal history might bother me, except whose laws was he breaking?  It would be satisfying if he had some sort of grudge against the king.”  She considered it, and then sighed.  "Well.  I suppose I could just keep trying on Internet dating sites, but I have yet to meet anyone at all pleasant that way."

"what site you on?”  

“Hm.  For some reason, I thought you already knew.”  

Sans had a guess why she thought that.  Maybe she’d been getting messages for the last month from a mysterious handsome stranger with a 0% compatibility rating.  Maybe whoever he was kept dumping puns into her inbox.  "nah.  it’s a shame you’ve had bad luck." 

"Well, there is one young man who seems all right.  But for some reason, I get the sense he is already in a relationship.”  

“what a bone head, skull-king around like that.”  

“It is probably just that I am very attractive, and he cannot help himself,” she said.  "Perhaps he is, what is the term?  A furry?" 

Sans choked on muffin crumbs.  "been spending a lot of time online lately, huh, tori?” he asked.  

“Yes.  Perhaps I should go back to being more old fashioned in my dating,” she said.  "It is more traditional to have your friends set you up.  So, what about his mother?  I do not believe I have seen her with a partner."

"ok, first: we never had this conversation.  second: i don’t think she’s single, but i think she’s available.  i’d say she’s got a lotta  _old flames,_ except she keeps ‘em around.”  

“Hm.  So it would just be for fun?  That might be nice, for a change.”

“ok,” Sans said.  Toriel was just messing with him.  

“I believe that is enough of my love life, for the moment,” she said.  She tapped her empty plate with her fork.  "Sans, at least yours seems to be going well.  You appear to be happy.  Is that right?"

"sure.  i mean.  yeah, actually.”  He shrugged.  "living there means less work for me, so it’s pretty great."

"I remember…a number of petty fights at first,” she said. “Between myself, and _him_.  But I suppose that you have known each other for quite a long time.”

He and Grillbz had been fighting a lot, lately, actually.  And not always about petty stuff, either.  

The big one recently had been pretty bad.  He didn’t plan on bringing it up with Tori.  The way the fight had gone down had left him feeling like the ground was level under his feet, where it’d been a little off kilter before without him noticing.  He was sort of glad they’d had that fight, weird as that sounded.

“yeah.  grillby keeps a pretty cool head.”

“Oh my.  I hope he goes to the doctor for that!”  She laughed.  

Sans snorted.  

He thought about heading over to Papyrus’ work and checking up on him. His brother kept coming back at the end of the day looking exhausted but refusing to sleep.  Maybe Sans would stop by later in the day.  If Sans went home right then, he’d be just in time for when Grillby’s alarm went off.  That was a rare opportunity.  

“I should make Grillby something nice as a thank you,” Toriel said. “Is there a kind of pie he is fond of?”  

“y'know, i’ve got no idea?  his mom used to make him something with lava, but if you think quality snails are tough to come by around here, you should try finding a local source for molten rock.”  

“Perhaps you can purchase lava rocks, and use fire magic to re-heat them?  Does the type of rock matter?  I may not know enough about geology for this type of cooking.”

“yeah, and maybe it wouldn’t even taste the same.  i’ve got no idea.”  

“Perhaps I will just make blueberry.”  

“yeah.”  Then he could eat some, too.  He kept his eye sockets on the clock.  “gotta go, though.”  

She nodded.  "Well, I will figure something out.  Tell him I said thank you."  

"sure.”  He pushed his chair back.  "goat to talk to you, tori.“  

"bone’t be a stranger!” she said.  

He popped back home in a good mood.  Grillby was still sleeping.  He was on Sans’ side of the bed, where Sans had left him.  

Sans quietly searched through some of the junk he had shoved in a box in the bottom of the closet, until he found what he was looking for.  He went back to the bed and sat down next to Grillby.  He waited.  

The alarm went off.  Grillby reached around, but he wasn’t in his usual spot so he couldn’t immediately turn off his clock.  

Sans started clicking the flashlight on and off in his face.  "rise and shine, grillbz." 

Grillby wouldn’t be bugged by the light, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t irritated.  The loud buzzing of his alarm continued, Sans was making some kind of horrible joke, and there was blinking in his face.  He rolled over and pulled Sans’ pillow over his head. 

That did seem like the most reasonable response.  Sans switched off Grillby’s alarm from where he was sitting.  "heh.  you’re only doing half of what i said.  it’s _rise_ and shine.”  He patted Grillby’s arm.  "hey, tori said thanks for the snails."

Grillby pulled the pillow off his head and sat up.  His shape was fuzzy and erratic, like it often was when he first got up.  He seemed to be looking at Sans. 

Sans floated Grillby’s glasses towards him, and Grillby focused on them for a few seconds before taking them and putting them on.  Now Sans could really tell that he was getting stared at.  

"morning,” Sans said.  

“……rise……and…shine?”

Sans switched the flashlight on again.  "hilarious, right?" 

"………ok.“ Grillby suddenly flared, filling the room with heat and blinding light.

Sans fell back off the bed, covering his eye sockets.  

When he looked, again, Grillby was back to normal, leaning over the edge of the bed.  ”…are you dead?"

"yeah,” Sans said.  He’d hit 5 base HP lately and apparently that was the line where Grillby went from being distressed about Sans joking about his own HP to asking if Sans was dead when he suffered any kind of minor injury.  "you too."  He raised his hand and Grillby started to glow blue.  

"……"

He pulled Grillby down on top of him.  "now we’re both dust.”

“……you are in too good a mood…for the morning.”  Grillby propped himself up.  His glasses were uneven.

Sans fixed them for him.  "hey, what are you doing down here?  you’ve got work." 

”…I have decided to quit…and lay on the floor."

"sounds like a plan.”  

“…alone.”

“nah, i’m against it now.”  

He finally got a laugh out of Grillby.  

 

\--

 

Papyrus worked furiously at his desk, not noticing when Sans walked in through the storage closet.  Papyrus’ lunch sat nearby, untouched.  Sans went over and opened Papyrus’ MTT Brand Lunch Box and started reaching in.  

“SANS!  WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?”  He registered what Sans was doing.  “…WAS YOUR OWN LUNCH TOO GREASY AND UNHEALTHY?  TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT!”  

“thanks.”  It actually looked entirely unappetizing.  Paps was a way better cook than he used to be, but that didn’t mean he made things Sans liked.  Stealing his food as a joke had backfired.  

He picked up a bag that looked like it was supposed to have chisps in them.  There were carrots and beets in the picture, where there would normally be potatoes, and the label screamed “HEALTHY AND DELICIOUS!”  Uneasy, Sans opened the package.  

“IF YOU WANT TO IMPROVE YOUR DIET, I SUPPOSE IT IS ONLY NATURAL THAT I WOULD BE THE ONE YOU INTERRUPT!  MAYBE IT FEELS STRANGE AND SCARY TO MAKE SUCH A BIG CHANGE, BUT WITH MY SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE, YOU WILL MAKE A COMPLETE TURNAROUND.  DID YOU SEE THE CARD I LEFT ON THE KITCHEN TABLE?”  

Sans had seen it.  He tasted one of the chips.  He’d had worse, and they were better than anything else in Papyrus’ lunch box.  "must’ve missed it."

"I HAVE HEARD A GREAT MANY GOOD THINGS ABOUT THIS DOCTOR!”  

Sans was being punished for visiting Papyrus during work.  That’s all he could figure.  He ate another chip.  Whatever veggie this one was from, he didn’t like.  He guessed that made it a more exciting bag of chisps than he was used to.

Papyrus noticed his expression change, and started to explain the many benefits of therapy.  

Sans took a small step towards the exit, hoping Papyrus didn’t notice.  “yeah.  sounds great.  hey, you’re pretty busy.  looks like you’re working yourself _to the bone_ _._ heh _._ ”

“OF COURSE I AM!”  

“uh.”  He wasn’t any good at figuring out how to get Papyrus to take a break.  "you’re making me dinner tonight, right?"

"WHAT? I PLANNED TO–”  Papyrus looked down at his work.  Sans wondered what sort of monster/human conflict was taking up all his time.  He looked like he was writing letters.  "–WELL, OTHERWISE YOU WOULD JUST EAT AT GRILLBY’S." 

"you got my number,” Sans said.  He gave up on the exit and edged over and tried to read what Papyrus was working on.  

“I DO HAVE MANY NUMBERS.”  He narrowed his eyes, suspicious.  

Sans ate another chip.  It’d be better with some more salt and a layer of ketchup.  He took a few steps closer to offer Papyrus the bag, even though he’d been in reach.  He could _sort of_ read the papers, now.  Sans wasn’t sure how to just put on his reading glasses without making it kind of obvious he was being nosy.  

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  I DON’T KNOW WHAT WAS ON YOUR HANDS!  THEY ARE ALL YOURS, NOW.  IF IT HELPS, THINK OF THEM AS A GIFT, FROM YOUR GENEROUS BROTHER.”  

“thanks. so,” Sans started, as Papyrus tried to turn back to his work, “what’s the big project?”  Maybe there was a faster way to an answer.  

“IT IS JUST A CULTURAL MISUNDERSTANDING,” Papyrus said.  "ONCE EVERYONE WITH LUNGS HAS A MINUTE TO TAKE A BREATH, AND EVERYONE WITHOUT LUNGS HAS TIME TO COUNT TO A SUITABLY HIGH NUMBER, I AM SURE WE WILL COME TOGETHER UNDER A BANNER OF MUTUAL RESPECT AND FRIENDSHIP!"

Sans noticed the shadows under Papyrus’ eye sockets.  "sure.”  

He got a few more details out.  Papyrus was so cool.  Being a mascot was like being a symbol for all monsters, and Sans thought Papyrus always wanted to be a symbol.  

“don’t rush back, if you’re busy,” Sans said.  "someone just up and left a box of doughnuts in the break room here, so i’m set until i grab something at grillby’s." 

"THOSE ARE FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WORK HERE!”  Papyrus said.  "…YOU ARE TRYING TO TRICK ME.  DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN PULL ONE OVER ON THE GREAT PAPYRUS?"

"you?  nah.”  

“…BUT.   YOU WILL STILL STEAL THAT FOOD AND GO TO GRILLBY’S.”  

“yep.  no one’s pulling the wool over your eye sockets.”  He’d already finished off the box.  

“AUGH!  FINE!  IF YOU THINKING YOU HAVE WON IS THE ONLY WAY THAT YOU WILL EAT A DINNER THAT HASN’T BEEN DIPPED INTO A STYGIAN RIVER OF GREASE, THEN I WILL CONSIDER MY OWN VICTORY TO BE IN MY DEFEAT!”  

“ok.”  He shrugged.  "can’t win ‘em all, i guess.“  He wasn’t sure if that was directed at himself, or Papyrus.  

"TRUE!”  Papyrus winked.  "CONGRATULATIONS, BROTHER!  I WILL SEE YOU AT DINNER.“  

Sans nodded.  He crushed the bag he’d been picking through and tipped back his skull, emptying the whole thing in one go.  He felt healthier already.  

 

\--

 

Sans was fuzzy-headed from a nap when he went to pick Frisk up at school.  

He remembered the first time Tori couldn’t personally drive the kid and was thinking about letting them go themselves.  They’d walked the whole underground themselves, right?  She asked Sans if he thought she was being overprotective.  He hadn’t known how to answer.

One of these days, the kid was going to hit the age where family embarrassed them, and they’d want to go alone.  

Honestly, was there that much a monster could even do to protect ‘em from an angry and determined human?  Sans couldn’t see a reason why he wouldn’t let the kid go alone.  He’d just wanted to get a few months with Papyrus happy on the surface, without something happening and all of them getting dragged back down.  He’d gotten what he wanted.   

It’d be tough to blame a kid that age for not wanting to give up and die, just 'cause they promised they wouldn’t force everyone down there again.  

Frisk tugged on Sans’ sleeve and asked him to stick around for dinner.  

“oops. already got plans.”  He shrugged.  "but, hey, bro’s cooking if you want to stop by."

He figured that Frisk would immediately turn down the offer, but instead, they seemed to be considering it.

"too many snails this week, huh, kiddo?”

They nodded.  Toriel tried to give 'em a balanced diet, but she always ended up back at snails when she was busy and didn’t have any other ideas.  

He and Frisk teamed up and tried to get her to skip work early to eat with them, but she just said “Oh no!  I will have to eat the leftovers your hot boyfriend made for me instead of cooking, tonight!   How terrible!” when Sans told her Frisk was crying thinking about her eating alone.  

The walk back got rid of what little energy his nap had given him, so Sans was ready to nod off on Tori’s couch until dinner.  His phone buzzed with a text message and woke him before he could get back into the zone.  

 

_*ok so please don’t take this the wrong way!!!!_

 

_*whats up alph_

 

_*and now that i’ve said that pleeeease don’t deliberately misinterpret what i tell you?  v.v  jeez you’re going to be a jerk and do that now you’re SO predictable!!!_

 

_*wow at least give me a chance_

 

_*NO!  i’m going to brace myself and just ask_

_*ok sans you remember we had a movie night tmrw right?_

 

_*oh wow_

_*you really don’t trust me do you_

 

_*THERE IT IS!!!!_

_*it sure feels good being right all the time ^.^_

_*especially about your friend being a jerk! ^.^ ^.^ ^.^_

 

_*those faces of yours are ganging up on me_

 

_*^.^ ^.^ ^.^ ^.^ ^.^_

 

_*ok sorry sorry have mercy jeez_

_*i already had an alarm set in my phone_

 

_*SURE_

 

He actually did.  This was vile slander.

_*if i show up late it’ll be because i got waylaid_

 

She accused him of sleeping right up to the second he was supposed to be there.  He supposed at that point it wasn’t slander because it was true.  

He always thought “maybe i’ll set it a few minutes early this time,” but what was the point when he could go directly there?  But when the alarm woke him up he would grab some snacks and mull over what video to bring, so by the time he got to her place it was half an hour past when they were supposed to meet.  Whoops.  

She was normally pretty ok with it, but this was an emergency movie night because Undyne was going out of town, and Alphys was pretty sure she was going to flip out in the house all alone and wanted company.

Maybe he could throw her a bone.

_*but hey to make up for all the times i’ve been late there’s a fancy dinner tonight at chez sans_

_*bro’s cooking_

 

_*oh, well, thank you??  uh…let me think_

_*you know what?  sure!_

 

He wondered if maybe he should’ve asked Papyrus first, but it wasn’t like Alphys and Frisk were all that overwhelming as far as dinner guests went.

 

_*i bet undyne will say yes, too!!  i’ll run and ask_

_*run LOL i mean walk over and yell up the stairs_

 

Wait. He’d thought Undyne had left already.  

 

_*good news!  she’s PUMPED!  =^.^=  thanks for the invite_

 

_*np_

_*uh look though papyrus has had a ton of work lately_

_*heh.  a skele-ton_

_*i know he and undy like to hang out but she’d feel bad if she kept him up late when he’s you know_

_*bone weary_

_*worn down to the bone_

 

_*I GET IT!  i’ll let her know and she’ll make sure his butt gets in bed!_

 

_*he’s like a bike.  he can’t stand around all night because he’s two tired_

_*i was already typing that one so you get it anyway_

_*thanks_

 

Frisk came over and sat next to Sans.  They had a question about their homework.  Sans yawned, wished he’d gotten more of a nap, and tried to help them out.  

His phone buzzed again.  It had better just be Alphys sending him one of her anime memes, and not something important.  

It was Toriel:  

_*Oh, you know what?  My meeting was cancelled, so I will be able to come by for dinner!_

_*I do hope that it isn’t inconvenient._

 

He didn’t answer her immediately.  He sent a message to Papyrus.  

_*so it’s ok if like 4 other people are coming to dinner right_

He’d kind of screwed up.  

 

_*HOW MANY PEOPLE IS “like 4 other people,” SANS???_

_*THIS DINNER WASN’T PLANNED!_

_*DO WE EVEN HAVE FOOD?????_

_*WHO DID YOU INVITE?  I AM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS!  OF COURSE I WILL PERSERVERE BUT OH MY GOD SANS THAT IS SO RUDE!_

 

_*well the kid probably counts for half a person food-wise right so 3.5 people_

 

_*THEY ARE YOUNG AND GROWING SO THEY COUNT FOR A PERSON AND A HALF, SANS!  YOU INVITED FOUR AND A HALF PEOPLE FOR DINNER WHEN I WAS GOING TO COOK!  I WANT AN APOLOGY!_

 

_*sorry_

 

_*OK THEN IT’S FINE_

_*TELL ME THE GUEST LIST!  I WILL STOP AT THE STORE ON THE WAY HOME_

_*THIS IS ACTUALLY VERY EXCITING NOW THAT I AM NOT OVERWHELMED WITH RAGE AT YOU!_

_*WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I HAD A REAL DINNER PARTY?_

 

_*frisk tori alphys and your bff_

_*and i don’t know.  never i think_

_*wait i guess a bbq is a kind of dinner party_

 

_*I THOUGHT UNDYNE WAS LEAVING THIS AFTERNOON?  WONDERFUL!  I GET TO GIVE HER A PROPER GOODBYE FEAST!_

_*THANK YOU, SANS!  AND NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!_

 

Sans finally replied to Toriel.  

_*np tori_

 

–-

 

“OF COURSE EVERYONE WOULD COME RUNNING WHEN THEY HEARD THAT I, THE GREAT CHEF PAPYRUS, WAS COOKING!”  Papyrus said.  He had his favorite apron and chef’s cap on.  "BUT, NEVERTHELESS, THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING!"

Sans could tell that Papyrus, despite how he was wording it, was actually deeply touched that so many people were voluntarily eating his cooking.  Papyrus didn’t let himself think people might not _like_ his food, but he’d once wondered out loud to Sans if maybe his palate was too unconventional and refined for the average person.  He did sort of notice how people reacted.  

He wasn’t that bad anymore, anyway.  Better than edible, even.  

"I’m going to miss the heck out of you and your dumb chef hat!” Undyne said.  She was leaving for three days.  "C'mere!"

She and Papyrus embraced, and then she gave him a friend noogie, flattening out his beloved hat.

"THIS HAT IS ESSENTIAL FOR MY PROCESS!”  

“Fuhuhuhu!  It’ll be fine, you dork!”  She friend knocked-him-on-the-back-of-the-skull, and then shook out his hat and put it back on his head.  

Sans went into the kitchen to see if there were any spare ingredients around he could taste test, and found Frisk already there.  They froze, completely, when Sans walked in.  They had a bag open in one hand, and three cookies in the other.  There were already crumbs around their mouth.  

“hey,” Sans protested.  "…hey, wait.  where’d you get those?"

Frisk pointed to an open cupboard.  The top shelf.  

Grillby was trying to hide things from him by putting them up high, again.  

"ok i’ll forgive you.  just give me a handful.”  Maybe someone should give Frisk a talk about rummaging through people’s belongings when they let them in their homes.  Wasn’t going to be Sans, though.

They nodded.  

Sans stood next to them and held up his phone.  "ok, give the camera a big smile.  pretend you’re a skeleton.“  

Frisk stared into the eye of the camera with grim determination.  

"thanks.”  He held up the bag of cookies and took the picture.  He sent it to Grillby.  

They were sitting down to dinner before he got a reply.  He’d almost forgotten he sent the picture, by then.  

 

_*Are you babysitting?_

 

_*accidentally invited 4 people to eat here_

Alphys was on her phone, too, so no one commented that he was being rude.  He took a shot of the table.  

_*you’re missing out_

 

_*Papyrus is cooking?_

 

_*like i said missing out_

 

_*Yes, I can see that.  It’s a shame I can’t close the bar and stop by._

 

_*i mean you could_

_*no one’s_

_*bar-ring you_

 

_*It is a real shame._

_*You should invite Frisk over more often_

_*You are very cute with children_

**Abort Abort**

_*heh thanks_

_*anyway undys just said she’ll suplex me into the noodles if i don’t drop the phone_

 

_*That would be another shame._

_*I will see you tonight, Sans_

 

_*yep later grillbz_

He shoved his phone back into his pocket and listened to Undyne tell the room about her trip.  She’d been planning on leaving in the afternoon, but changed her mind and decided to just gun it straight through the night.  

She looked Papyrus right in the eye socket and told him that he had to sleep _for_ her, since she wasn’t going to get a shot at it.  

“I AM POSITIVE THAT IS NOT HOW SLEEP WORKS,” he said.  

“nah, it is,” Sans said.  "that’s why i sleep all the time.  someone’s gotta do it."

Papyrus glared at him.  "THEN NO ONE WOULD EVER BE TIRED, IF THAT WERE TRUE!”  

They finished eating.  Having to drive made a good excuse for Undyne and Alphys to leave hours before they normally would have.

“If I’m tired tomorrow, I’m going to know who to blame!” Undyne told Papyrus.  

“THAT CONTINUES TO NOT BE HOW THAT WORKS!”  He narrowed his eyes. “…IF YOU ARE SLEEPY WHILE DRIVING, PULL OVER AND TAKE A POWER NAP ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!  THAT IS THE KIND OF NAP THAT STRONG AND TOUGH PEOPLE LIKE YOU TAKE, WHEN THEY ARE DRIVING ALL NIGHT AND DON’T WANT TO NOD OFF AND GET IN AN ACCIDENT.”  

“It’ll be fine!  If I get tired, I’ll just speed up and the adrenaline will knock me back awake.”  

“THAT IS EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?  OH MY GOD?  BE MORE CAREFUL THAN THAT, PLEASE?”

Toriel got up from the table and went over to take Papyrus’ hand.  "Thank you very much, my dear.  Every time you cook for me, I feel like you have made so much progress since the last meal!  Your dedication is impressive."

"THANK YOU!  WOWIE, IF THAT’S TRUE, THAN SOON ENOUGH I WILL HAVE SURPASSED EVERY COOK ON THE PLANET!”

Frisk gave Papyrus a hug goodbye.  

“I am afraid we also have to leave a little early,” Toriel said.  

“THAT IS FINE!  MY MEAL THIS EVENING WAS A PART OF A DELIBERATE RUSE ON SANS’ PART TO MAKE ME COME HOME AND GO TO BED EARLY!  BECAUSE HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THAT NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO SLEEP HALF OF THEIR LIVES AWAY!  SO I DID NOT MAKE FUN PLANS FOR EVERYONE LIKE I WOULD HAVE IF I WAS THE ONE WHO CAME UP WITH THE IDEA.”  

Toriel looked over at Sans, and he shrugged.

“Perhaps it would be for the best if you humored him.  Family can be overprotective, can it not?  But I am sure he means well.”  

“I AM AWARE!”  

Toriel and Frisk said their good nights and left.  Papyrus started collecting dishes, and Sans followed him.  

“hey here’s an idea.  i’m pretty tired so how about i give you your bedtime story early tonight.”  

“I AM NOT FACING YOU, BUT IF YOU COULD SEE MY EXPRESSION, YOU WOULD NOTE THAT I AM ROLLING MY EYES, BUT IN A WAY THAT IS IMPLYING I AM FAMILIAR WITH YOUR TRICKS, NOT IN A WAY THAT MAKES ME SEEM ANNOYED OR CONDESCENDING.”  He sighed.  "YES, SANS, I WILL GO TO BED A LITTLE EARLY, TONIGHT."

"thanks.”

Papyrus always had trouble admitting he needed rest, so the old routine from when he was a kid was the only thing that would get him to knock it off and sleep for a while.  

Sans was a few pages into _Puzzlecraft_ (which boasted that it was the ULTIMATE guide to puzzle building) when he looked up to check on his brother and found him already out.  He read a few more lines, and then tugged Papyrus’ blanket up for him.  

“night, bro.”  

Papyrus snored on, undisturbed.  

 

\--

 

“…”

Sans couldn’t quite make out what was being said to him.  He felt a burst of warmth on his cheekbone and reached up to affectionately pat at Grillby.  He didn’t open his eyes, but he was pretty sure he was touching an arm.  

“…”

That warm arm wrapped around him, and hauled him up off the couch.  

“i’m up,” Sans said.  His face fell against Grillby’s shoulder.  "in the air, i guess.“ 

He was completely awake when Grillby set him back down on their bed. Grillby sat down on the edge and started taking off his shoes. 

"…did everyone have a good time?"  Grillby asked.

"sure. paps knows how to throw a party.”  

“…it was probably lively.”  

“sorry you missed out.”  

Grillby shrugged.  Work was lively, so he didn’t mind quiet after it.  

“oh hey.  i was thinking today.”  

Grillby turned towards him, curious.  

“you know, you were right this morning.”

“…yes.  About what?”

“see there’s a real kiss deficit going on in this thing we’ve got going.”

“…I barely remember saying anything.”  

“let’s work it out.  i’ve lived here for, uh…yeah, over a year, right?”

“…yes.   We should have done something for that.”  

“yeah.   but anyway.  i’d say the minimum every day is, what, three?  one in the morning and a couple at night, as a rule.  usually more.  and you’re always the one who does it.”  

Grillby was turned towards him completely, now.  His shirt was partially unbuttoned; the conversation distracting him in the middle of what he was doing.  

Sans had been thinking about this right before he nodded off on the sofa.  "so, let’s do the math.  365 days a year, 3 times a day–i’m behind at  _least_ twelve kisses by now.  i’m ashamed of myself."

"Sans, your math…”  

“what?  look, who here took more math in school?”

“…”

“anyway, i only brought it up because i came up with a solution.”  

“…oh no.”  

Sans patted at his pockets.  He still had it, right?  He pulled a packet of wax lips out of his pocket.  

“……oh no.”  

“i don’t want anyone saying i don’t pull my weight around here,” Sans said.  He could see Grillby already trying not to laugh.  

“I’ve never said that in this context.”  He straightened his shoulders and tried to look serious, like they were having an important conversation about their relationship.  

Sans tore open the package and put them on.  

“…keep them away from me…”

“c'mon, grillbz.  i can put my handsome eyes on, too, and really seduce you.”  His voice sounded strange, but he was able to talk through them.  

“I will melt it.”  

“aw, cute.”  Sans winked.  "guess that’s what they call romance.“  

"No, I…”  He rubbed his forehead and laughed.  "Those are candy, right?"

Sans glanced down at the package.  Did humans eat wax?  He didn’t have his glasses on him so he picked up the package and brought close to his face.  Flavored wax?  He set the garbage back down on the bed and noticed Grillby had moved several inches closer.  

"uh, hey.”  

“…consider me…seduced,”  Grillby said.  He was kneeling on the bed, now.

“hey, wait, i only got one of these.”  

“So now that I want you to kiss me, you’re turning me down?” Grillby asked.

Sans snorted.  "ok.  that’s a point."  He stood up on the bed.  "here we go.”  He took a step and put his arm around Grillby, touching his back.  He dipped him.  Sans pressed his hot new lips to approximately where Grillby’s mouth was.  

This lasted a couple seconds, then then he was directly smile-to-face with Grillby.  He hadn’t even melted the lips first.  

“Thank you, Sans,” Grillby said, pulling back a tiny bit.  "That was delicious."

Sans thought it had tasted like a bland wax cherry, but he wasn’t a fire elemental.  He’d never seen Grillby eat a candle, but he wouldn’t put it past him.  "thanks.  but see, now i’m out again and i still owe you like ten.”  

“…wasn’t it…”  Grillby shook his head.  He leaned in again and kissed Sans twice, once on each cheek.  

“great.  now i owe you a couple thousand,” Sans said.  He sighed.  "put ‘em on the tab, i guess."

Grillby laughed.  "…make sure to…keep track."

He covered Sans’ face in warm kisses, until they lost count.  

They settled back onto the bed.  Sans had too many gaps without napping, and Grillby hadn’t had any real breaks all day.  They were both tired.

"guess i’d better switch off the light,” Sans said.  He put his pillow on Grillby’s chest, who returned it to Sans, onto his face.  "yeah, that works better.  you’re right.“  He put his pillow back under his skull.  

Grillby started to settle in.  "Good night.”

“hey.  how am i supposed to sleep without a blanket?”  Sans asked.  

Grillby considered him, and then shifted over, resting his head back on Sans’ chest.  His legs almost dangled off the end of the bed when he did this, so he bent his knees.

Grillby had forgotten to take his glasses off, so Sans removed them for him and floated them back over to Grillby’s nightstand.  

“ok.  there we go.”  Sans closed his eyes and said good night.  


End file.
